Travel abroad is now possible, but is less fun than it was. There’s the litany of Covid paperwork. Tests must be ordered from companies with odd-sounding names that seem always to end with an ‘X’. Once abroad, there is the constant worry that you may test positive for the dreaded virus and find yourself banged up far from home for a week or so.
The good news is that it is now quite easy to pretend to be abroad even when you are not. ‘Staycation’ is a hackneyed term. What’s more amusing is to cosplay the sense of being in a foreign city without actually leaving London. It’s surprisingly easy to do. So, if you cannot bear the thought of shoving yet another stick up your nose in order to appease border control, why not try a faux city break in London. It needs a bit of imagination but not too much.
New York
Where to Stay
The Standard is one of New York’s best-loved hotel chains. A London outpost launched in King’s Cross in 2019, and quickly became one of the city’s most Instagram’d spots, in large part because it’s just around the corner from Google (and soon Facebook’s) offices. The 1970s interiors are kitsch yet stylish and the bar feels like a movie set. Order a Fallen Manhattan and some fried chicken. Or you could try Flemings Mayfair, an art deco pad with a New York charm to it. Rooms come with an ‘honesty martini bar’, which is a more charming phrase than ‘passenger locator form’.
What to Eat
London has pretty decent bagels. The most famous bagel shop is Beigel Bake on Brick Lane, while Nana Fanny’s in Borough Market also does delicious salt beef bagels. For pizza, head to Slice. It’s the Pizza Pilgrims latest outpost in Finsbury Park and serves huge NYC-style pizza slices. For something a little swankier, Balthazar is an almost carbon-copy of the Manhattan outpost and a fun spot for a long NY-style brunch. For huge piles of slow-cooked meat, there are few places better than Smokestak, Shoreditch’s barbecue restaurant. London isn’t known for its late-night drinking spots but Trisha’s in Soho does a good impression of a dive bar.
How to Play
‘In New York you can be a new man’, sings Alexander Hamilton in the hit musical Hamilton. Well, in London you can watch him say that in the show, which is back up and running at the Victoria Palace Theatre. I hear real New York is quite depressing in these days of masks and enduring social distancing. It’s probably more pleasant to escape to jazz-age Manhattan via great fiction. Read a copy of F Scott Fitzgerald’s The Beautiful and Damned while drinking an Old Fashioned.
Bangkok
Where to stay
Bangkok is home to the iconic Mandarin Oriental, so if you can’t get to Thailand, head to the London Mandarin Oriental in Knightsbridge for a reminder of what it once felt like to travel to exotic places without quarantines in drab airport hotels. Retreat to the dark, almost volcanic-looking pool in the basement and read something by one of the authors who used to stay at the Bangkok Mandarin: John Le Carré, Graham Greene or Joseph Conrad. My favourite books about Bangkok are Lawrence Osborne’s – in particular ‘Bangkok Days’, which captures the seedier side of Thailand’s capital.
What to eat
The Thai food scene in London is no longer just greasy pub pad thai and prawn toast. Farang (which means foreigner) in Highbury offers fiery dishes and Singha beer. KaoSarn is a small café in Brixton serving authentic Thai curries. Kiln is a busy Soho institution but don’t let that put you off. The food is good. And Smoking Goat, inspired by Bangkok’s late-night restaurants, is a fun spot which serves BBQ dishes. If you see sticky rice and mango on the menu for pudding, order it.
How to play
The Siam Zenith Spa in Stroud Green is run by friendly Thai staff and offers a range of different massages. An authentic Thai massage involves stretching as well as massage, so don’t be alarmed if the masseuse starts pulling your arms and legs in unusual directions. For something a bit more strenuous, try a Muay Thai boxing class at the London Fight Factory in Hackney.
Paris
Where to stay
Claridge’s is thought of as a quintessentially London hotel but it also feels decidedly French in many ways, with its art deco flourishes, gilded furniture and the chic women sat glowering at the bar. Order a bottle of champagne from the drinks menu and try to blend in.
What to eat
It has become such an institution that food snobs roll their eyes at it, but Brasserie Zedel really does capture the thrill of sitting in a Parisian joint like Le Grand Colbert. If you want snails, it has to be L’Escargot in Soho or for soufflé, Le Gavroche. For something more modern, head to Naughty Piglets, which is a neighbourhood bistro in Brixton. A true gourmand will go to Otto’s and order the pressed duck. If the past year has left your larder depleted of French delicacies, go to Le Coq Epicier in Camden Passage to restock this side of the Channel.
How to play
Paris is known for its flea markets (‘marché aux puces’) and while the British have never quite mastered the art – our markets tend to be a bit more ‘four for a pound’ – a rootle round Bermondsey market (open every Friday from 6 AM to 2 PM) is an enjoyable way to spend a morning. For creative inspiration, the V&A has a lovely collection of French items in Room 5, entitled ‘The Rise of France 1660-1720’. This includes a recreation of a period room from a 17th-century French country mansion. For good quality French linen and scents, Cologne & Cotton is excellent. It’s highly likely you’ll hear French being spoken as you walk down Marylebone High Street.
Does any of the above beat the real thing? Not quite, but a little fantasy can take you a long way.
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