The party’s over: welcome to the City’s new puritanism

‘Well, I’ve got the lads an espresso machine — after all, none of us can afford coke anymore, how else are we going to stay awake?’ It was nice to hear that one City banker was putting his hand in his pocket and looking after his troops — they may not be getting bonuses, but at least his team were guaranteed a decent coffee. But even this little luxury may have to be confiscated. It simply doesn’t blend in with the new puritanical City landscape, where the amount of milk available in the canteen and what it can be used for is heavily restricted.

Inter-dealer brokers — who spend their time schmoozing traders — are distraught. Most have had no restrictions put on their client entertainment budgets, but they no longer have anyone to play with or anything to claim back on expenses. They were once in the habit of sending lunch to their favourite clients: Gaucho Grill’s finest steaks and Nobu’s bento boxes. No more. It’s no longer deemed appropriate for teams of traders at banks to be gorging when the nearby stationary cupboard is empty due to new cost-cutting measures.

My one-time broker colleagues are instead being told to look out for ‘recession specials’ where they can feed ten traders unlimited chicken wings for the price of one tasting menu at the Fat Duck. Well, the fun had to stop sooner or later and now it has. Finally, the champagne has run out; the free opera tickets and heli-skiing trips are a thing of the past. As George Osborne so succinctly put it: the party is over. Welcome to public sector banking.

Meanwhile, as a backdrop for these relatively austere times the Commons Treasury select committee has been playing its own elaborate game of credit crunch Cluedo: who killed the economy? John McFall and his team have worked their way through hedge fund managers, the media, FSA regulators, private equity executives and Bank of England officials, and now finally this week began to grill the big boys: the former and current heads of the UK’s largest banks.