Ariane Sherine

The perfect mismatch

On the internet, attractiveness blots out other romantic criteria. That’s bad news for long-term relationships

“Is she really going out with him?’ asks the old Joe Jackson song about a mixed-attractiveness couple. ‘They say that looks don’t count for much — there goes your proof.’ High society used to abound with couples in which the woman was far more beautiful than the man. But while we can still point to famous aesthetically mismatched partners (pudgy Trump and pulchritudinous Melania anyone?), the mating patterns of the young now mean we are witnessing the death of the mixed-attractiveness couple.

This is thanks to the way millennials fall in love — more often than not, online. They flick through potential matches on sites such as Match.com and MySingleFriend with distressing rapidity, discounting anyone they don’t fancy straight away. This process becomes even more savage on apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Happn and OK-Cupid. Habitually, users barely bother to write anything about themselves, opting instead to upload snaps of significant parts of their anatomy. If you spot a young person furiously attending to their phone, chances are they are swiping through thousands of faces — right for ‘yes’ and left for ‘no’ — and bypassing hundreds of members of the opposite sex with whom they might actually be compatible in favour of those they find simply delectable.

Multiple studies have shown that the most successful relationships are built through ‘assortative mating’ i.e. pairing up with those who share the same background, social aspirations, education and attractiveness. But only the latter is readily apparent on dating apps. When couples who fancied each other rotten find the physical fascination wearing off, those who met via dating apps may discover that they have nothing in common with their partner besides relative good looks.

When it comes to long-term love, the lack of mixed-attractiveness couples marks a troubling trend.

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