General Secretary is a new drama with a dull title and an off-putting poster. A pair of angry women in sombre clothing glare into the middle distance.
But the satirical premise is intriguing. What if two young females with no experience took over the world? Georgie and Cassie are working from home when they receive a mysterious message from the United Nations. A pushy German blonde appears on their screens and makes an announcement: ‘You vill now be presiding over ze vorld.’ That’s it.
And so they take control from their kitchen. The first surprise is that the newly empowered sisters don’t set about exposing the faults of male-dominated governments. Instead they panic and fret like a couple of giddy airheads. How can they run the planet smoothly when they don’t know the names of all the countries? They mug up on world events by reading heavyweight authors like George Orwell and, hilariously, Terry Eagleton. When Justin Trudeau calls to offer his congratulations they blush and tremble like lovesick teenagers.
They impose a tax on husbands who reach orgasm before their wives. But it has mixed results
Searching for advice on the internet, they type ‘How to rule the world — easy guide’ into Google. Their first policies reflect their girly idealism. They start a campaign to ‘Free The Nipple’ and they issue an executive order to all men: ‘Men, calm down.’ They tell Greta Thunberg to copy Jane Fonda and to make work-out videos (which prove unpopular) and they set up a World Vision Song Contest whose motifs are peace and romance.
The joke is that the soppy love ballads convert evil dictators into pacifists. Putin hears the winning tune, by the Truce Twins, and immediately passes a Freedom of Information Act.

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