Three Tories in search of solace

Three tribal Tories had gathered for a convivial glass, and also a consolatory one. One quoted Huskisson’s verdict after Goderich’s brief and worthless premiership. ‘Never surely was there a man at the head of affairs so weak, undecided and utterly helpless.’ Well, the female sex has now caught up. I said that at least she had refuted Hopkins. ‘No worst, there is none.’ As long as Theresa May is in charge, there could always be a worst. The terrible premier has out-gloomed the Terrible Sonnets.

We were hiding away in a club, hoping not to meet any foreigners. Not that any of us is in the least xenophobic. One chap has a house in France; another regularly takes a place in Italy. Our affection for abroad goes well beyond its food and its bottles. That said, none of us has ever felt that other nations have much to teach us about politics. We would not have admitted a real-life Mr Podsnap into our circle and Dickens would have expected us to dismiss his character’s views with derision. Yet Dickens was always a shallow thinker on political questions and the jarring tone should not conceal the fact that for once, Podsnap had stumbled into sense. ‘Our constitution, Sir. We Englishmen are very proud of our constitution, Sir. It was bestowed upon us by Providence. No other country is so favoured as this country.’

Until recently, a lot of foreigners were unconscious Podsnap-ists. Although none of my overseas friends have put it in quite the words that I am about to use, none would have repudiated them. ‘Even if it often conceals the fact, most of the world admires your political system. It appears to combine vigorous democracy with ultimate stability. You have a House of Commons which often sounds like a disorderly zoo, but also traditions based on the monarchy that add a dimension of grandeur and secular transcendence.