With apologies to the Beckett Estate…
Two tramps appear on stage. They are dressed in white tie and tails and wearing top hats. Their clothes are dirty and shabby; their hats gleam. The stage is bare, apart from a mound of earth and a tree. Which appears to be dead.
ACT ONE:
David: [gloomy] It’s too much for one man. On the other hand what’s the good of losing heart now, that’s what I say. We should have thought of it a million years ago, in the nineties.
George: What do you expect, you always wait till the last moment.
David: [Ponders this] The last moment… Hope deferred maketh the something sick, who said that?
George: It is an election, isn’t it?
David: [Despairingly] Why don’t you help me?
George: There’s nothing to show.
David: Suppose we repented?
George: Repented what?
David: Oh… we wouldn’t have to go into the details. Daren’t even laugh any more.
George: Privation! People are bloody ignorant apes.
David: This land could be a charming spot. Inspiring prospects. Let’s go.
George: We can’t.
David: Why not?
George: We’re waiting for Growth.
David: Ah! Yes. I forgot. Or I tried to forget. I forget which. You’re sure it was here?
George: What?
David: That we were to wait?
George: Yes. You said that.
David: Did I? Why did I say that?
George: Because we can’t go anywhere else.
David: We would be lost.
George: Yes. Again. The tree is important.
David: What is it?
George: I don’t know. A willow.
David: Where are the leaves?
George: It must be dead.
David: No more weeping.
George: Or perhaps it’s not the season. For growth.
David: Looks to me more like a bush.
George: Are you suggesting we’ve come to the wrong place?
David: Growth should be here.
George: He didn’t say for sure he’d come.
David: And if he doesn’t come?
George: We’ll come back tomorrow.
David: And then the day after tomorrow.
George: And so on.
David: There are times when I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for us to part.
George: [Coldly] You couldn’t go far.
David: What did we ask him for?
George: Don’t you remember?
David: It seems so long ago. It was sunny then.
George: Before we got what we…
David: Wanted? Precisely.
George: A kind of prayer, I think.
David: A vague supplication.
George: Exactly.
David: And what did he reply?
George: He wanted to consult…
David: The wise men.
George: And the markets.
David: [Unhappily] And his bank account.
George: It’s normal.
David: Is it not?
George: It might be.
David: I think so too. Where did we come in?
George: On our hands and knees
David: But with hope
George: Always hope.
David: And promise.
George: Yes, as bad as that.
David: I’m hungry!
George: Do you want a carrot?
David: Is that all there is?
George: I might have some turnips.
David: Give me a carrot. [George rummages in his pockets, takes out a turnip and gives it to David who takes a bite out of it. Angrily.] It’s a turnip!
George: I could have sworn it was a carrot. It looks like a carrot. You could pretend it’s a carrot.
David: Why?
George: If you can pretend hard enough you can believe.
David: Believe in what?
George: Everything.
David: Aren’t we tied?
George: Tied?
David: Down.
George: But to whom? By whom?
David: To your man. By them. People.
George: To growth? Tied to growth? What an idea! No question of it. For the moment.
David: His name is Growth?
George: I think so.
David: Fancy that. [He raises the remains of the turnip, spinning it before his eyes] Funny, the more you eat the worse it gets.
George: With me it’s just the opposite.
David: Really?
George: I get used to the muck as I go along.
David: Question of temperament.
George: Of character.
David: Nothing you can do about it.
George: No use struggling.
David: [Emphatically but with resignation too] One is what one is.
George: I wish we could go.
David: But we can’t. We’re waiting for Growth. [Pause] We’ve nothing more to do here.
George: Don’t say that. Tomorrow everything will be better.
David: How do you make that out?
George: He said that Growth was sure to come tomorrow. [Pause] What do you say to that?
David: Then all we have to do – all we can do – is wait on here?
George: Are you mad? We must take cover. Come on.
David: It’s cold. I sometimes wonder it we wouldn’t have been better off alone, each one for himself. [He crosses the stage and sits down on the mound] We weren’t made for the same road.
George: [without anger] It’s not certain.
David: [crosses stage to sit next to George] No, nothing is certain.
George: We can still part, if you think it would be better. I would do that for you. You know I would.
David: It’s not worthwhile now.
George: Is anything? [Long pause] Well, shall we go?
David: Yes, let’s go. [They do not move]
End of Act One
ACT TWO
[The next day.Nothing has changed]
David: [Exasperated] Everything is in red!
George: I told you it was.
David: Why is it still red? Should it not be black?
George: It takes time.
David: What?
George: Fixing it.
David: How much time do we have?
George: Less than we think.
David: Say something!
George: I’m trying.
David: [in anguish] What can we tell them? What do we do now?
George: Wait for growth.
David: Ah! [He sits down, inspects his boots, waits] This is awful!
George: Patience!
David: No! We could start all over again perhaps.
George: That can’t be easy.
David: It’s the start that’s difficult.
George: You can start from anything.
David: Yes, but you have to decide.
George: True. [Silence]
David: Help me!
George: I’m trying.
David: I have an idea.
George: Oh.
David: We could contradict each other.
George: Impossible.
David: You think so?
George: We’d be in no danger of ever thinking any more.
David: Then what are we complaining about?
George: Him. And Them.
David: We inherited our misery.
George: Where are all these corpses from?
David: These skeletons.
George: Tell me that.
David: The past.
George: We must have thought a little.
David: At the very beginning.
George: A charnel-house! A charnel-house!
David: I can’t help looking.
George: Try as one may.
David: We should turn resolutely towards Future.
George: We’ve tried that.
David: True.
George: It’s not the worst.
David: But the numbers don’t work.
George: Nor do They.
David: Now we’ll have to find something else.
George: Well, we could go on from there.
David: I”m tired.
George: But we’re only half-way there.
David: I’m tired.
George: So are they.
David: Where are your boots?
George: [Looks for his boots; cannot find them] I must have abandoned them.
David: When?
George: I don’t know?
David: Why?
George: [exasperated] I don’t know why I don’t know.
David: No, I mean why did you abandon your goal?
George: [exasperated] Because it was hurting me!
David: I see.
George: Yes.
David: I’m tired! [Pause] Let’s go.
George: We can’t.
David: Why not?
George: We’re waiting for Growth.
David: Ah! What will we do?
George: There’s nothing we can do.
David: We can’t go on like this.
George: Would you like a radish?
David: Is that all there is?
George: There are radishes and turnips.
David: Are there no carrots?
George: No. Anyway you overdo it with your carrots.
David: Then give me a radish. [George fumbles in his pockets, finds nothing but turnips, finally brings out a radish and hands it to David who examines it, sniffs it.] It’s black!
George: It’s a radish.
David: I only like the pink ones, you know that!
George: Then you don’t want it?
David: I only like the pink ones!
George: Then give it back to me. [David gives it back]
David: I’ll go and get a carrot. [He does not move]
George: Let’s just make it up. Maybe he will come then.
David: Who will come?
George: Growth.
David: Will he?
George: Maybe. One day.
David: We need reinforcements. To see the evening out. While we wait for him. So we do not waver.
George: But what if we are wrong?
David: So long as we are no longer alone, waiting for the night, waiting for the day, waiting for Growth…
George: It’s not Growth. He’s not coming. We’re not going. He’s stuck. We’re stuck.
David: Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! [Pause. Vehemently.] Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? [George says nothing.] It is true that when with folded arms we weigh the pros and cons we are no less a credit to our species. The tiger bounds to the help of his congeners without the least reflection, or else he slinks away into the depths of the thickets. But that is not the question. What are we doing here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Growth to come—
George: Steady on.
David: We are not saints, but we have kept our appointment. How many people can boast as much?
George: Will they thank us?
David: We must hit upon the right one eventually.
George: How will we know it?
David: Will-power.
George: Courage.
David: Resolution.
George: Reassurance.
David: See it through.
George: To the end.
David: Bitter.
George: Very bitter.
David: Let’s go. Perhaps we can see into the future.
George: Is it morning yet?
David: Soon. [Sits down and tries to take off his boots. Fails.] Was I sleeping, while the others suffered? Am I sleeping now? Tomorrow, when I wake, or think I do, what shall I say of today? That with George my friend, at this place, until the fall of night, I waited for Growth?
Enter Voter stage right. He halts. Silence.
Voter: Mister…
David: You have a message?
Voter: Yes Sir.
David: He won’t come this evening.
Voter: No Sir.
David: But he’ll come tomorrow.
Voter: Yes Sir.
David: Without fail.
Voter: Yes Sir.
David: Tell him . . . [he hesitates] . . . tell him you saw me and that . . . [he hesitates] . . . that you saw me. [Voter scurries out. He looks back at David and George in pity and contempt.]
George: Perhaps it’s too late.
David: Yes. We dropped him.
George: Everything’s dead but the tree.
David: What is it?
George: Our only hope.
David: We need a good bit of rope.
George: Yes.
David: We’ll hang ourselves tomorrow. [Pause] Unless Growth comes.
George: If he comes we’ll be saved.
[They look at one another. For a long time. In complete silence.]
David: I can’t go on like this.
George: That’s what you think.
[Curtain]
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