Well, you can’t say that we weren’t warned. Repeatedly. At the beginning of this week, the Duchess of Sussex wrote in a subscriber newsletter, in that inimitably faux-chummy way that she has perfected:
First off, a sincere thank you for making the debut of As Ever absolutely extraordinary. We had a feeling there would be excitement, but to see everything sell out in less than an hour was an amazing surprise. We are pleased to share that on 20 June, we’re going live with the products you love – plus, some new delicious surprises.
‘Absolutely extraordinary’ is one way of describing the profoundly underwhelming launch of a few pieces of overpriced tat. But as veteran Meghan-watchers know, such barrages of hyperbole are par for the course, and so I lay in wait, metaphorically speaking, for the ‘delicious surprises’ that we have been promised.
This desperate attempt to flog overpriced groceries may be Meghan’s only chance of connecting with her public
The Duchess kept her end of the bargain. If you saw a picture of her smiling beatifically on a garden swing as if she had worked out the solution to world peace (‘No more sleeps!’) on her Instagram account earlier, you would know what you were in for.
Predictably enough, the revelation of the new products proved underwhelming. There was Meghan’s first venture into alcohol, in the form of an as-yet-unpriced Napa Valley rosé, which is said to have been ‘sourced’ from near her and her husband’s Montecito home. We learn that the wine, which is – naturally enough – a ‘bespoke blend’, will contain ‘soft notes of stone fruit, gentle minerality, and a lasting finish’, and that it is also ‘launching just in time for summer entertaining’.
For those of us who might need several bottles’ worth of bespoke blend Californian rosé to watch the threatened season of With Love, Meghan, this is a highly welcome addition. But for the rest, it’s just another expensive celebrity-endorsed wine, given an added fillip of cynicism by the circumstances under which it’s being sold.
The other items are a ‘limited edition orange blossom honey’ – yours for a mere $28! (£20.80) – which the copywriters have gone to town on. We are breathlessly informed that it has a ‘beautiful golden hue, an enticing aroma, delicate floral notes and subtle citrus undertones’. Indeed, not since Mr Jackson the toad entered Mrs Tittlemouse’s parlour in Beatrix Potter’s The Tale of Mrs Tittlemouse in search of honeyed delights has a product been so hyped. This ‘standout addition to your pantry’ is a must-buy – for those of us who have pantries, of course.
Finally, there is also an apricot spread (‘which balances a delicate sweetness and a gentle brightness that lets this beautiful stone fruit shine’) is almost a bargain at $9 (£6.70) if you opt for a mere jar. Most, however, would wish to go the whole hog and sample the keepsake packaging, which costs a mere $5 (£3.70) extra.
If this all sounds appallingly naff and cynical, then caveat emptor. Meghan has not established herself as an internationally renowned figure through a lack of business savvy. The initial launch of the brand in April was described as being ‘infused with joy, love, and a touch of whimsy’. Be that as it may, this latest instalment looks as if it’s been carefully focused-grouped.
As stories fly of the latest tranche of departures of Meghan and Harry’s staff – another four have departed in the past week, taking the number of departees up to well over twenty since they headed to Montecito, an impressive figure for this humble and publicity-shy pair – this rather desperate attempt to flog overpriced groceries may yet be Meghan’s only chance of connecting with her public. Such neediness may be admirable, but it’s also becoming grating. This particular honey trap is one that all but the most susceptible will be easily able to resist.
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