It happened six years ago on a flight back from the United States. ‘Sir, I’m pleased to say you’ve been upgraded to first class.’ ‘Wonderful! Where would you like me to sit?’ ‘Anywhere you like, you’re the only passenger.’
The anti-car movement is idiotic – a luxury belief shared by deluded metropolitans
For the next few hours I dined on fine food brought to me at any time I chose and drank the finest wines known to humanity. I had a staff of three to myself. At one point they brought me a silver tray with magazines on it, one of which was The Spectator. ‘Would you like anything to read, sir?’ ‘Yes, I’d like to read something written by, let me see… oh, I know – me!’ I didn’t actually say that, you understand, but I thought it all the same.
It was magnificent. I even got a free pair of pyjamas. But here’s the problem: the emotional high point of that journey, as with every other flight I have ever taken, was the moment I got back to Heathrow and finally climbed into my own car. There is probably a word for this feeling in German – the rapid dissipation of tension and anxiety you experience when you leave any public space and escape into your own vehicle. It’s become even better recently, now you can remotely turn on your car’s heating or air conditioning in advance – so your car is immediately toasty-warm in winter or cool on a hot day. This is the automotive equivalent of getting home late to find your spouse has unexpectedly prepared a chicken Madras – while naked. (This analogy probably works better for male readers, but I hope you get my point all the same.)
But let’s look at the car from a practical point of view, too. Imagine a graph with the horizontal axis representing distance – from 10 yards to 10,000 miles. On the vertical axis is the level of appropriateness for different forms of transport. Walking wins out over short distances if it’s not raining. The bicycle is excellent for some shorter journeys, provided you are fit, alone, in good weather, with no luggage and you don’t have to go uphill. The train is pretty good for commuting to large cities and for journeys of 150-700 miles provided you don’t need a car at the other end. For journeys of more than 450 miles between major cities it may be the sleeper train or the aeroplane. But all of these are highly specific use-cases. By contrast, the car or van is optimal or close to optimal for almost any journey of 0.5-450 miles from anywhere to anywhere, regardless of weather, time of day, accompanying children, baggage or anything else.
Unless you can reverse history by 100 years, the anti-car movement among environmentalists is hence idiotic – a luxury belief shared by deluded metropolitans. A wholesale shift to mass transit would only be possible by relocating half Britain’s housing stock and most of its businesses.
There are, however, three technologies which could usefully replace the use of the car for many journeys – and which would also reduce congestion. One, for journeys up to 5-10 miles is micromobility – small covered electric vehicles, similar to electric cargo-bikes – or else driverless versions akin to the Heathrow Pod. A major benefit of electric vehicles may be the potential for miniaturisation.
A second possibility is a nationwide locker network for deliveries, obviating the need for van deliveries to the home – a primary cause of increased road traffic. With lockers at sites such as petrol stations, many deliveries could be made overnight. And a third option is video-calling – i.e. not travelling at all, or using video first thing in the day to avoid travelling at peak times.
Alas, none of these solutions features much in national transport planning, which is far too focused on bullying people to move from one pre-existing mode of transport to another.
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