In their seemingly relentless drive to spend other people’s money on initiatives they don’t want and didn’t ask for, the latest genius project from the Irish government is all about climate change. Of course it is. This is a government, after all, which has been accused of wanting to cull Ireland’s cows in an effort to reduce emissions.
But even by the rather eccentric standards of Official Ireland’s incessant attempts to socially engineer the population, the ‘A Brush With Climate’ scheme is truly a classic of its kind.
The project is funded by the Department of Education, supported by the Research Ireland Discover Programme and overseen by University College Cork’s office of sustainability and climate action. Any time the government, an NGO and academia join forces the results are usually farcical. This time is no different.
Inspired by a movement that originally began in Australia, the ‘A Brush With Climate’ scheme will train hairdressers and barbers to discuss climate change with their captive customers.
As the project rolls out, four lucky Irish towns are to be picked for the pilot scheme, which according to Dr Maria Kirrane of UCC, is designed to ‘tap into places where chat flows naturally.’
As she puts it: ‘Hairdressers and barbers not only provide a service for people, they are a real hub for conversations and social spaces within a community. Their reach is broad and gives the opportunity to reach a cohort of people that may not be involved in local environmental groups and the usual pathways of climate conversation and action. The relationship between a client and their hairdresser is a deeply personal and trusting one.’
Over the course of the next few months, participants in the scheme will be invited to a series of ‘workshops with hairdressers [which] will co-develop role-play methodologies to assist in conversations on local climate mitigation and adaptation actions, including the top six most impactful personal climate actions.’
Sadly, they haven’t announced what the ‘top six most impactful personal climate actions’ actually are. Presumably, they’re like the secrets of Fatima, unveiled only to the lucky participants.
According to Dr Kirrane, these role-playing sessions, ‘Will co-create roleplay exercises with hairdressers which will be tested and implemented in salons. A change in knowledge, attitude and behaviour amongst the hairdressers would be a strong indicator of success, as would any perceivable change in attitude in the clients.’
They also stress they are eager to receive as much feedback as possible from those taking part. It’s not hard to imagine the kind of feedback they will receive from Ireland’s infamously grumpy barbers.
Rather ominously, our newly campaigning hair care professionals will be also trained to counteract some of the ‘myths and misunderstandings that people have about climate change and how to help turn negative attitudes into positive action’.
Presumably the standard question asked by hairdressers, ‘are you going anywhere nice on holidays?’ will now be replaced by ‘you better not be going anywhere nice on holidays’. This will then be followed by a stern talking-to about unnecessary flights and how instead of enjoying two weeks in the sun you should be booking a sustainable wigwam in Wexford instead.
The organisers are keen to stress that the idea isn’t to scare off clients who just want a ‘bit of gossip and banter’, but instead to offer advice for those curious and concerned about climate change.
Some people like having a chat with their hairdresser or barber, others loathe that kind of small talk with an absolute passion. But it’s surely stretching credulity to think anyone wants to sit in a chair while someone stands behind them wielding a pair of scissors and talking about saving the polar bears.
At the moment, the grant stands at a paltry €63,000. But this is a country where costs have a strange habit of spiralling mysteriously out of control – most infamously, the new National Children’s Hospital in Dublin was originally priced at €987m but has exploded to €2.2 billion and it’s still not complete. If the scheme manages, against all probability, to be success, then the government will undoubtedly be eager to throw more taxpayer funds in its direction.
But why not stop there? If we have hairdressers trained to lecture us about climate change, why not get Irish postmen to deliver lectures about toxic masculinity along with the letters? Maybe they could grill you on whether you have watched Adolescence before handing over your mail.
I, for one, would love my local butcher to be trained how tell me about the importance of Ireland standing with their EU partners in a time of global crisis. Really, when you think about, the possibilities are endless.
Comments