Why soldiers are the funniest people

We were discussing wit. I uttered a self-evident truth which proved gratifyingly controversial. Of all the people I encounter, the soldiers are much the funniest. I took no prisoners among those who tried to disagree, merely telling them to get out more and find themselves in decent company.

Military humour is an abiding delight. It may be that not every reader has read George MacDonald Fraser’s three McAuslan books (he also wrote the Flashman series and Quartered Safe Out Here, about the Burma campaign, said to be Prince Philip’s favourite book). Quartered Safe is a war memoir of the highest order, while the McAuslans put our author up there with Wodehouse. Some of the finest comic writing in English, they will also help to teach a nervous new subaltern how to handle his platoon. Yet there should be a caveat, for they will make you laugh out loud. If you read one in public, people will think that you have St Vitus’s Dance. If you are holding a drink, you will spill it. But even without reaching the heights of McAuslan, every soldier I know has a wonderful repertoire of stories.

There is an obvious explanation. Jokes relieve stress, and soldiers have plenty of that, not only in combat. Imagine the exactitude demanded by the Queen’s Birthday Parade. Lines of men apparently quick-marching straight at one another: one misstep and Horseguards could implode in chaos, like a Highland reel if I am taking part. So should you have lunch at the Cavalry Club with a couple of chaps who spent much of their morning in a rehearsal, expect lots of merriment as they unwind. Those who reel with me risk bruised shins. Lunches with paraders have a similar hazard: sore tummy muscles, the aftermath of glorious laughter.