Bruce Anderson

Why you can’t trust supermarket cheese

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We were celebrating the end of lockdown by talking about war and deer stalking — over a business lunch, naturally. My friend David Mathew, from a distinguished legal, military and political family, told a story about Churchill’s arrival in Athens at Christmas in 1944. David’s father, Robert, then a young officer, was sent to meet the great man, who was grumpy and preoccupied, with good reason. He had come to save Greece from communism, with little guarantee of help from the Americans, let alone left-wing opinion in Britain. The sucking-up to ‘Uncle Joe’ Stalin may have been necessary to win the war. It would not be helpful for winning the peace.

Robert and Churchill’s arrival at the embassy was heralded by sniper fire, and young Mathew shoved the PM through the door. They landed in a heap. Churchill: ‘Do you normally push prime ministers around?’ Mathew: ‘Sir, I’d rather have an angry prime minister than a dead one.’ Churchill: ‘What did you say your name was?’ ‘Mathew, sir’. ‘Any relation of General Charles?’ ‘My father, sir.’ Churchill’s mood instantly softened. ‘We charged together at Omdurman.’ Soon afterwards, Robert was a Tory candidate.

‘Surely no one would begrudge us a bit of hoarding?’

Rory, a younger friend, had been shooting hinds in Perthshire. Deer stalking, the greatest of sports, is about as much fun as you can have wearing clothes. In my case, the pleasures may be past, for I have done too much stalking with knife, fork and glass. But it is good to listen to stalking talk. Although the Highlands are festooned in winter, the only snowflakes there are ones that cover hills.

Friends had stories about coping with the recent nonsense. One group found a restaurant which entertained them in an underground room. A man with a special forces background caught the mood.

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