Henry Jeffreys

Wine tasting

They thought it would be fun to let a team of journalists compete against the students from Oxford and Cambridge. We didn’t know what we’d be facing…

One of the great jokes of the wine trade is:
‘Have you ever confused Burgundy with Bordeaux?’
‘Not since this morning!’

A few weeks ago, I realised it isn’t a joke. I’d been invited to take part in the Varsity Blind Wine Tasting Match. It’s sponsored by Pol Roger champagne and they thought it would be fun to have a team of journalists from The Spectator compete against the students from Oxford and Cambridge. Our crack squad was made up of the in-house drinks supremo Jonathan Ray, the sommelier and writer Douglas Blyde, Spectator adman Nick Spong, and me.

As soon as I arrived at the Oxford and Cambridge Club in Pall Mall I realised I was out of my depth. The two university teams were standing in the lobby looking fit and focused. This was as important as the Boat Race. I half expected an appearance from Trenton Oldfield as a protest against elitism.

The tasting consisted of six reds and six whites. Marks are awarded for correctly identifying the grape variety, country, region and vintage, and just like maths A-level, you are also marked on your workings so even if you get everything wrong you can still score.

The atmosphere was tense as we sat down. I sniffed the first wine, and immediately knew it was a riesling from Australia. This was going to be easy. Then the man to my left started having some sort of fit. I was just about to administer the Heimlich manoeuvre when I worked out that he was just sucking air through the wine. Loudly. The man opposite then started choking, then others started gurgling, gurning and coughing.

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