Woof to all that

Marley & Me
PG, Nationwide 

Marley & Me is based on American journalist John Grogan’s best-selling memoir about his young family and their Labrador — ‘the world’s worst dog’ — and it all sounds horribly cloying and lame, I know, but don’t rush to judge unless you simply can’t help yourself, in which case do and you won’t regret it. This is cloying and lame and I say this as a dog lover who loves all dogs aside from the local, fat-bollocked Staffie who always tries to eat my dog (‘Tyson,’ his owner always calls out, ‘be nice…’).

It stars Owen Wilson as John and Jennifer Aniston as his wife Jenny. At the outset, John and Jenny, both journalists, live in Michigan but quickly move to Florida and then Pennsylvania via more and more beautiful homes, the creeps. They are a golden couple with golden hair who never age and are always shot in nice, golden colours. What is this? Cinéma non-vérité? As for Wilson and Aniston, they are fine so long as you don’t mind Wilson’s leisurely drawl of a voice, which I find I rather do — he always sounds as if his batteries are running out; quick, someone change Mr Wilson’s batteries! — or the fact that Ms Aniston finds it quite hard to act. However, let us not be too unkind here. After all, acting is hard. (You try it.)

Anyway, they think they want a family and decide to prepare for parenthood by first acquiring a puppy, which is good because, this way, when they do have a child they will at least be prepared for it to drink out of the toilet and bark, bark, bark at that squirrel up the tree. So they get their puppy — their golden puppy — and this puppy is Marley, and I do love Marley just as I love all dogs apart from that Staff.