Interconnect

Your problems solved | 1 November 2003

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

Dear Mary…

Q. My husband and I are planning to celebrate our 55th (emerald) wedding anniversary with a modest family party. We have verbally accepted a quotation for a finger buffet from a local caterer, but our grandson, who with his wife runs a small catering business in Birmingham, has expressed a wish to do the catering. Delighted as we are with this offer, we find ourselves in a bit of a quandary: we were hoping that this couple would be among our guests, and we don’t want them to be occupied in the menial task of preparing the buffet and clearing up afterwards. On the other hand, we don’t want to deprive them of the opportunity to promote their business and make a profit. What do you suggest, Mary?
P.G.H., Colchester, Essex

A. You must be firm with your grandson, whose expectations are clearly unrealistic. Unless most of the other guests are also coming from Birmingham, he is unlikely to attract any business from the event. What is more, women famously resent other women being in their kitchen: they can just about stomach a professional caterer, but a family member breeds an atavistic resentment. You can compromise by allowing your grandson’s firm to create the final ‘course’ of the finger buffet, something that he could bring as a plat accompli, which would require no faffing in the kitchen. Since this would be the last lingering taste on people’s palates, it would be the perfect moment for your grandson to bring out his business cards and distribute them.

Q. I regularly take the bus from Oxford to London. Incredible as it sounds, on two separate occasions the person in the seat in front of me has produced a pair of scissors and cut their toenails, allowing pieces of toenail to land all over their seat and the floor around them.

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