Your Problems Solved | 12 February 2005

Dear Mary…

Q. I sent a thank-you letter for dinner to a couple whom I know only slightly. In the thank-you letter, I asked them to dinner. I have had no reply and the date has come and gone. Does this mean that they didn’t get the thank-you letter — in which case they will think me rude for not thanking them? Should I write again? Or does it mean that they are rude in not replying to my invitation?
V.I., London W12

A. Rudeness is unlikely. If they live in London, where the post is now so bad that party invitations are frequently sent by hand or by email, they may not have received your letter. The other possibility is that they saw you had sent a thank-you letter, assumed it was all guff, and didn’t bother reading it all the way through. You can get to the bottom of this mystery. Ring their landline and prepare your mobile to dial the same number. Keep a radio, set to ‘static’, ready to be turned on. When the landline answers, turn on the radio and put the receiver against it. Simultaneously press ‘send’ on your mobile and walk to another room. In this way you will get straight through to voicemail and can leave a message, giving them time to make up an excuse before ringing you back. You could even suggest, in tinkling and indulgent tones, ‘I wonder if you have done something I sometimes do, which is to put a thank-you letter down half read, and then never get round to finishing it?’

Q. I am arranging my daughter’s wedding and feel somewhat obliged to ask my late husband’s sister. However, the bride has decreed that I shouldn’t, for fear of her arriving inappropriately turned out and not easily to be avoided.