Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your Problems Solved | 13 September 2003

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

Dear Mary…

Q. Like an earlier correspondent this summer, my wife and I find ourselves in the invidious position of being asked, very much as an afterthought, to the wedding of friends to whom we considered ourselves close. Worse, on the grounds that they had ‘run out of’ the real thing, we have not even been sent a proper invitation, but a photocopy. How can we best express our dismay at having this B-list status so blatantly thrust upon us?
H.R.-T., East Lothian

A. Punish the couple by the following means. Arrange for a third party, posing as a Sloaney factotum service, to ring them to arrange a time for courier delivery of a Minton dinner service or similar luxury wedding present. Ten minutes later she should ring back: ‘I’m afraid I actually got you muddled up with some other friends of the R-Ts who are also getting married. And it’s they who are receiving the Minton dinner service. Sorry to have troubled you but I won’t need to bother you again about delivery of your own present because I understand Ikea will be in touch with you directly.’

Q. My wife and I have an ongoing conflict about entertaining during the summer. She likes to entertain outdoors by the pool and on the patio. While I am not too fond of sitting in the heat, my primary objection is not to the activity itself but the length of time the guests stay. This summer relatives who were invited at 2 p.m. thought nothing of remaining around until 9.30 p.m. or even later. My idea of a compromise would be to reduce the number of hours the guests remain to, say, five. People who are invited to swim in the early afternoon should be quite willing to call it a day by 7 p.m.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in