Your Problems Solved | 19 November 2005

Dear Mary…

Q. As an elderly art-lover, I was thrilled to be invited to the private views of exhibitions by both Julian Barrow and his brother Andrew. Alas, I see these take place on the very same night next week and, as I am now nearly 90 and practically bedridden, I really cannot risk the mid-evening trek from Julian’s landscapes at the Fine Art Society to Andrew’s alphabet collages at the Rebecca Hossack in Fitzrovia. As both brothers are hypersensitive, would it be tactful to chuck both parties rather than attend only one of them?
E.E., London NW6

A. I have good news for you. I have consulted the galleries in question and find that Andrew opens in Windmill Street on Monday 21 November and Julian the following night in Bond Street. You can therefore attend both events at your leisure without offending either artist. Should a complex double booking occur in the future, however, might I suggest that you hire an Addison Lee taxi bike (020 7720 2161)? The cost is reasonable (£20 between Bond Street and Windmill Street, for example) and the driver will come fully equipped with spare helmet to whisk you at speed between venues so that you can maximise your social potential and avoid too much dead time spent in transit.

Q. Apropos of your recent correspondence regarding men’s pyjama bottoms, I thought you might like to know that the unsightly gap to which you refer is known by educated Jewish people as a circumvent.
B.A.F., London N6

A. Thank you for submitting this joke which some readers may think funny.

Q. Why not sew pyjamas up and pull them down like knickers when necessary? If men sat down on the lavatory there would be less spillage.
E.H., address withheld

A.