Q. I have learned that someone I much admired in youth is about to become single again. I only have the sketchiest details but am single myself and keen to know more. The one person who knows everyone and would know everything is a valued and highly amusing friend of mine, but she is also massively indiscreet and interfering. How can I find out more without arousing her suspicions re my own interest? Were she to guess it she would overplay my hand for me.
— Name and address withheld
A. Look around for a newly single man of your own vintage, then mention to your gossipy friend that he seems depressed but you are not sure why. Say no more. She will start speculating and conclude that the man is in need of a partner. Unprompted by you, who can sit back yawning, she will then run through the names of all emerging singletons supplying details of their personalities and circumstances. Once you have the information you need, throw her off the scent by asking for fuller details of another candidate.
Q. My daughter-in-law is in the habit of asking me to do some shopping or to collect prescriptions for her while she looks after her infant children. Occasionally she has asked me about the cost of items and then paid me. But on the last occasion, after I had collected a prescription for her, she asked, but then did not offer to pay. What do I say, without giving offence, to remind her that she owes me money?
— R.S., Southsea, Hants
A. Next time you hand over the shopping, say cheerily, ‘Don’t pay me now. Let’s wait till it gets to a round figure, say £30, that’s about the limit of my spare cash flow, and you can pay me back all at once.
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