Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your problems solved | 4 October 2003

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

Dear Mary…

Q. For my husband and me the racing world has always been a source of Elysian happiness and this weekend we are taking our children to Newmarket races. There a problem looms. Our trainer enjoys heroic status in our household and our children have reached the age where they are beginning to participate in adult conversation. Although we do not allow our own standards to slip, we are worried they may be confused by our apparent acceptance of our trainer’s barrack-room vernacular. How can we explain this to the children?
S.T., Chirton, Wiltshire

A. Prepare them for this cultural anomaly by screening a couple of documentaries from the Discovery channel of the sort which show, for example, that wooden lip-plates are considered attractive in some tribal societies, while in others mooning is seen as a compliment. You can then draw parallels with the racing world which, you can quite accurately inform them, is itself a self-contained tribal society where Tourette’s syndrome-style talk is the accepted form of dialogue. Be sure you impress on them that, just as our beloved Queen is not expected to moon in response to the compliment offered her by tribal displays abroad, neither will they be expected or allowed to converse in obscenities themselves while at Newmarket.

Q. I find your grandee’s suggestion in last week’s column that it is not on to address your mother-in-law by her Christian name surprising. What is appropriate? We live next door to my consort’s mother; people often refer to her as ‘your mother-in-law’. Should I correct them and say, ‘No, my common-law mother-in-law’?
M. H., Gloucestershire

A. It would be worse if they referred to ‘your partner’s mum’, but the reason why there is no satisfactory term is that your own liaison is in itself unsatisfactory.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in