Society

Friday

Hugo Rifkind Hugo Rifkind

This Halloween, say no to American pumpkins and yes to British turnips

Possibly you’ve missed this. However, for the last three years or thereabouts, I have been conducting a low-key campaign for the revival of the turnip lantern. And this year, for the first time ever, I am remembering to write about this before Halloween, rather than afterwards, albeit narrowly so. Fie on this pumpkin nonsense. If you are thirtysomething or older, one surefire way of figuring out whether somebody comes from outside the M25 is to ask them whether they have ever carved a turnip. ‘A what?’ they’ll ask, if they are from the south-east, because they don’t even know what turnips are, because they call them swedes. Which is just

Isabel Hardman Isabel Hardman

Fiona Woolf resigns as chair of child abuse inquiry

4.50pm – It is difficult to see how Fiona Woolf can stay on as chair of the child abuse inquiry. Labour has decided to call for her resignation, with Yvette Cooper this afternoon saying: ‘Theresa May has put Fiona Woolf in an impossible position. We had hoped the Home Secretary would be able to sort this out, so that the inquiry could get going this month, but she has failed to do so. Sadly it is now impossible to see how Fiona Woolf can carry on in this position. ‘It should not be beyond the wit of the Home Secretary to establish a credible inquiry. There have been difficult and

Molly Guinness

Liberate women…from the rotten dictatorial group-think of ‘feminism’

Good on David Cameron for refusing to wear that hideous T-shirt. Feminists these days spend an awful lot of time telling people what to think and what to wear. It’s easy to forget the heady days of feminism’s innocence, when it lobbied for freedom, the freedom for women to operate telegraphs, for example. The deft fingers of women were to set in action the wires of the telegraph with as much swift dexterity as they do those of the piano. They were to write messages about iron and steel and stocks and shares with the same easy celerity that they corresponded about the last new ribbon or baby’s first tooth.

Gina Webley

Herbal medicine – not just for new-age hippies anymore

Lacking in pep? Looking for some extra zing as winter sets in? The Spectator recommends our energy conference on 1 December. Tickets are still available, sign up here. Society is changing fast because we live longer. But the NHS was designed for a different age where the gap between retirement and death was much smaller. The result is that the health service’s financial footings are fragile and require new ways of delivering health to keep spending at sustainable levels. A new roadmap for reform of the NHS has been produced by Sir Simon Stevens. But there is a large hole where herbal medicine should be. Sadly, it does not merit a single

Ed West Ed West

‘Community leader’, ‘call out’, ‘dreamer: The worst words and phrases in the English language

In this week’s magazine Rod Liddle has a piece on the worst ‘clichés, lies, evasions, obfuscations, PC euphemisms and disingenuous balls words and phrases which, in recent years, have annoyed me the most’. He was inspired by Brook Newmark’s recent shenanigans with a phantom lady and a computer, which were explained as the MP ‘battling his demons’. Rod also includes vulnerable, community, ‘bravely fighting cancer’, vibrant, diversity and, of course, ‘wrong side of history’. For a while I’ve been collecting my own worst words and phrases in the ever-evolving English language, a sort of dictionary of political cant that I work on to keep me sane. I suppose you’d call

Nick Cohen Nick Cohen

What passing-bells for politicians who die as cattle?

Over the top: British soldiers in the trenches (Image: Getty) The allies did not sweep into Germany in 1918, winning the First World War with the glory and élan of a victorious army. The victors triumphed because they held their disintegrating forces together better than Germany and Austria-Hungary could manage. In the end, and in the case of Italy and France only just, and in the case of Russia not at all, they could just about bear the horrendous casualties and costs; the threat of mutiny at the front and of disease, starvation and revolution at home. In October 1918, a German military censor knew it was all up when

Anne Jolis

Isis are dogs; pet the dogs, kill the terrorists and defend moderate Islam

Malaysian pharmacist Syed Azmi has emerged from hiding to apologise for organising ‘I Want to Touch a Dog’ earlier in October, a canine-petting event that drew a few hundred mostly Muslim Malaysians. So: not all Muslims hate dogs. Only some do. Syed has been getting death threats for the initiative, and is being investigated by the federal Islamic Development Department, whose director general warned via the Malaysian press that petting dogs might lead to the ‘terrible consequence where they [Muslims] will keep dogs in their house’. The Koranical hadiths, mind you, are muddled at best in establishing the tradition that good Muslims hate dogs. So I checked with my go-to source

The Spectator

The Spectator at war: An accent of prejudice

From The Spectator, 31 October 1914: We regret to record that a gallant and patriotic sailor, Prince Louis of Battenberg, has fallen a victim to the foolish prejudice that people with foreign names and of foreign birth cannot be loyal British subjects. It was announced on Friday that Prince Louis of Battenberg had resigned the office of First Sea Lord in a letter to Mr. Winston Churchill, the candour and simplicity of which do him the greatest credit. The First Lord’s reply will interest the public from its mention of the very large number of capital ships and naval craft of all descriptions which are now falling into the lap

Thursday

Taki

The beauty of fire escapes and the vanishing of Edward Hopper’s New York

Autumn in New York: they even wrote a song about it that was a great hit 60 years ago. Last weekend the sky was awash in blue, Manhattan at its best, with Central Park gleaming in green and only the crowds marring the views. New York has changed dramatically these last 50 years, but what city has not? The place has got richer, but not better as far as the quality of life is concerned. That ghastly Bloomberg midget sold the place to the highest bidders, so developers are singing his praises, not unlike bootleggers paying homage to Al Capone. Manhattan was always chic in the Upper East and West

Jeremy Clarke

‘My boy was my all’: letters from a bereaved mother to a Somme widow

My maternal grandmother (née Clarke) had six brothers, all keen poker players. All six volunteered to fight in the Great War, and only one, Sergeant Herbert Clarke, of B Company, 10th Battalion, Royal Fusiliers, failed to return to civilian life afterwards. He was blown up by a shell during the second week of the Battle of the Somme. Shortly before the shell got him, Herbert had taken some leave and married his sweetheart, Dolly. Dolly never got over him. Just before she died, she passed on Herbert’s army papers and tiny, secretly kept diary to my aunt. The diary was written in pencil and difficult to decipher, but to mark

Melissa Kite

Why won’t the law go after the terror of my park?

What is the point of the Dangerous Dogs Act when there is a man marauding with an illegal pit bull in south London and the police are not arresting him? My friend rang me in hysterics recently after the beast all but savaged his little Patterdale terrier in Kennington Park. The pit bull picked him up in his mouth and started shaking him. When my friend slapped the pit bull with his umbrella, it let go of his dog, ran over to an old man, grabbed his Shitzu and shook that like a rag doll until it was pouring with blood. The old man fell over as he tried to

Alexander Chancellor

The only good thing about Halloween is that it makes people hate bats

I always dread Hallowe’en. It may have originated in Europe as a Christian celebration for remembering the virtuous dead and wishing them on their way to heaven, but its origins have been long forgotten. Now, more even than Christmas, it is a secular festival sustained by commercial greed. In its modern form, it is an American import, its main inspirations being Count Dracula and horror movies (and perhaps now also Harry Potter). Hallowe’en is a time for the exploitation of children’s love of ghouls and magic and dressing up. Long before the day arrives, the supermarket shelves are stacked with pumpkins carved with the grimacing features of Jack-o’-lanterns, once meant

Robin Oakley

Maybe Mrs Oakley is right: all my tips will come in second

The novelist Anita Brookner once declared that in real life hares always beat tortoises: ‘Every time. Look around you. And in any case it is my contention that Aesop was writing for the tortoise market… Hares have no time to read. They are too busy winning the game.’ Bob Ford, one of this column’s Twelve to Follow last jumping season, was not one of the biggest contributors to our fortunes, winning just once in five outings and then at a miserly price of 8-15. But at Chepstow on Saturday on soft ground Tom Scudamore sent him off like a hare in front, daring the field to catch him. ‘He’ll never

Janet de Botton

Bridge | 30 October 2014

Every obituary written about Tony Priday, who died recently aged 92, said what a class act he was. I would like to add my tuppence to that observation. When I first started playing, around 15 years ago, I played against Tony and his wife Vivian at a Young Chelsea duplicate. I was keen as mustard and read everything I could get my hands on — most of which I didn’t begin to understand. I had read about jettison plays and, idiotically, jettisoned what I thought was a blocking Ace in dummy, forfeiting my contract and looking a total muppet. ‘Ah I see what you were doing. Good idea — wrong

Raymond Keene

Winning hand

Tension has always existed between games of skill, such as chess or draughts, and games seemingly based on chance, like backgammon and poker. The Russian grandmaster and chess historian Yuri Averbakh has suggested that different kinds of games mirror changing human attitudes towards life, the universe and everything. So games of chance indicate the idea of the gods being in control, whereas games of pure skill suggest the start of the human assumption of responsibility. Of course, devotees of ‘chance’ games like backgammon would say skill is involved, in spite of the random element of the dice throw. An interesting new development is that poker and chess have started to ally themselves. A

The Spectator

Letters: In defence of Italy, and the rise and fall of the military moustache

Italy’s to-do list Sir: You would expect a long letter of rebuttal by a piqued senior diplomat in response to the many barbs that Nicholas Farrell packed into his piece about Italy (‘The dying man of Europe’, 25 October). Among the most painful ones were that Italy is ‘almost doomed’ and parts of it are ‘hopeless’, which are far too simplistic statements. Mr Farrell is remarkably complacent in his negative bias. But beyond the sea of clichés, the piece offers a useful to-do list. So I will limit myself to a brief comment on its title, highlighting some details not mentioned in the article: if decline is the issue, there

Raymond Keene

No. 338

White to play. This is from Hebden-Mannion, Isle of Man 2014. White’s next move completely destroyed the black position. What was it? Answers to me at The Spectator by Tuesday 4 November or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk or by fax on 020 7681 3773. The winner will be the first correct answer out of a hat, and each week I am offering a prize of £20. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Nf5+ Last week’s winner Ilya Iyengar, Amersham, Bucks

Toby Young Toby Young

I swam up to a beautiful girl on the beach, and my life changed

I’m writing this from Portugal, where I’m staying with my old friend Sean Langan. His family has owned a farm in the Algarve for several generations and I first came to stay with them when I was 18. I continued to spend every summer here for the next five years and, together, they represent some of the happiest periods of my life. This is the first time I’ve returned in a quarter of a century. Wherever I go, the memories come flooding back. There’s the veranda where I sat with a bucket of warm water and a Bic disposable razor, shaving off the hairs that had appeared on my chest.

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: Is there a tactful way to shorten the guest list for my 21st?

Q. I am organising my 21st birthday party at our family house in Italy. It is a fantastic location, but it means that I can only invite about 20 guests. The result of this is that I am unable to invite a group of friends from a university society of which I am a member, despite several of them having invited me to their parties. I will be inviting one person from the group (I knew him away from the society), so the rest will become aware of it. I feel bad for not inviting them, but they are simply not any of my 20 closest friends. Is there anything

Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

Want to shake hands with your dinner? Beast is your kind of restaurant

Beast is next to Debenhams on Oxford Street and it is not conventionally beast-like; rather it is monetised and bespoke beastliness, which is not really beastliness at all. It is something worse. The outside is Dead Animal Inc: glassy, corporate, bland. The reception has a 10ft bronze bear covered with swirls which look like paisley or some photogenic skin disease. A woman presses the button inside the lift for you, should you be too stupid or lazy to do it yourself. And downstairs, as the lift opens and you peer into the dark, you see a fridge full of hanging beef with labels flickering in a cold synthetic wind. They