Society

Thursday

Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 22 November 2012

Q. Even in smart places, waiters have taken my plate away before I have finished, if my head is turned, or they take away a companion’s plate while I am still eating. I recently had a whole slice of beef fillet whipped away whilst I was chatting animatedly away to a fellow guest. How can I stop the waiters doing this? I refuse to hold on to my cutlery between mouthfuls! — A.S., Petersfield, Hampshire A. The waiter’s confusion is understandable since so many of those who can now afford to eat in restaurants are unfamiliar with the classic conventions of the table. For some, the signal to remove their

Raymond Keene

No. 245

Black to play. This is from Kalantar-Petrosian, Erevan 1946. Black has various powerful moves in this position but one is completely terminal. Can you see it? Answers to me at The Spectator by Tuesday 27 November or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk or by fax on 020 7681 3773. The winner will be the first correct answer out of a hat, and each week I shall be offering a prize of £20. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 … Rxe3 (planning 2 Qxe3 Qg5) Last week’s winner Gareth Davies, Birmingham

Taki

High life | 22 November 2012

Why is it that adultery can ruin a man’s career but rarely a woman’s? In so-called civilised countries, that is. (In Saudi Arabia an adulterous woman is stoned to death.) An American diplomat slated to become the next ambassador to Iraq, Brett McGurk, lost his chance because of an affair with a reporter, who is now his wife. Why is it suddenly criminal to sleep with the opposite sex? Gays the world over must be over the moon. Who says that government officials are stewards of the public trust and that includes what they do in the bedroom? Poor Petraeus. A lifetime of public service gone down the drain for

Jeremy Clarke

Low life | 22 November 2012

After the open-air night drawing class, the teacher invited anyone who felt like it to repair to the pub afterwards to have a drink and maybe something to eat and maybe a discussion about art. On the way to the pub I’d nipped off to the cashpoint. By the time I got to the pub, the night drawing gang were already seated around a cosy table with their coats off and my bird had saved me the place between her and the art teacher. I squeezed in between them and took in the new faces ranged opposite me. They were two women and a bloke. The younger of the two

Melissa Kite

Real life | 22 November 2012

When you start renovating your home, it is like pulling the loose thread of an old jumper. Everything unravels. I only tried to fit a dimmer switch, and now my entire flat has come apart. Actually, that’s not strictly true. I was having Stefano the Albanian builder fit wardrobes in the spare room. It was almost done. He was just fitting the dimmer switch for the spotlights when he pulled a little too hard on the delicate invisible thread that holds everything in my world together. Suddenly the entire flat was in darkness. Fiddling with the lights in the spare room had triggered a catastrophic failure of the wiring system,

Alexander Chancellor

Long life | 22 November 2012

The Daily Mail last week risked alienating its millions of women readers (whom I assume from its normal priorities to be interested only in health, beauty and plastic surgery) by running pages of indigestible stuff about a conspiracy to curb the freedoms of the British press. It was perhaps a selfless initiative in the public interest, disclosing things that the Mail felt its readers ought to know even if they probably didn’t give a fig about them. The burden of its message was that a network of ‘elitist liberals’ from the Blair era had been exerting undue influence on the Leveson inquiry to get it to recommend statutory regulation of

Robin Oakley

Winners and losers

My favourite racecourse-bar story this year involved a towel-clad jockey who had enjoyed his game of golf so much that in the shower room he demonstrated the iron shot that had gained him an eagle. Hearing a clunk behind him he discovered that his backswing had connected forcibly with a dwarf, who was lying prone. ‘Oh, my God,’ he said, ‘I’m so sorry. How are you?’ ‘I’m not happy. I’m definitely not happy,’ said his groaning victim. ‘Oh, in that case which one are you?’ inquired our golfing friend, whose parents had clearly brought him up on Snow White. Hopefully followers of this column are a little more chuffed than

The Spectator

Barometer | 22 November 2012

Stage and screen Agatha Christie’s play The Mousetrap has notched up its 60th anniversary and its 25,000th performance, by far the longest run of a stage show. Yet for all its longevity, relatively few people have seen it compared with some television dramas. — The Mousetrap played at the 440-seat New Ambassadors Theatre until 1974. It then transferred to the 550-seat St Martins Theatre, where it still runs. If every seat had been sold in that time, it would have been seen by 12.7 million people. — That is far short of the record audience for a British TV drama (30.15 million, for the 1986 EastEnders Christmas special), and only

Ben Goldsmith

Diary – 22 November 2012

I once bred a racehorse, half-owned by my mother, born at my mother-in-law’s farm in Suffolk and named ‘Green Moon’ by my daughter. He won a race or two but never found his form, so we sold him to an Australian for not much. A few days ago, I was woken by a 5a.m. phone call from an ecstatic friend who told me that Green Moon had just won the Melbourne Cup — one of the best races in the world — bagging an immense prize cheque for his new owner. I’m not sure whether I will ever be able to forgive him, or myself. Late one evening, I find

Toby Young Toby Young

Movember, mo’ problems

I’m currently growing a moustache to raise money for various charities associated with men’s health — or ‘doing the Movember thing’, to use the official terminology. I’m not enjoying the experience. I was a blond child and what’s left of my hair is mousy brown, but my moustache is ginger. That’s right, ginger. I look like a lower-middle-class spiv, circa 1948. To make matters worse, I can’t persuade anyone to sponsor me. So far, I’ve raised a grand total of £60, but even that paltry amount means I can’t shave it off until 30 November. As Caroline said, ‘Wouldn’t it have been easier to just donate £60 to a prostate

Dot Wordsworth

Passion

Pippa Middleton, I learnt from the Daily Telegraph, has a ‘passion’ for writing. Justin Welby, the next Archbishop of Canterbury, the BBC said, has a ‘passion for resolving conflict’. The Times, in a piece about entrepreneurs, quoted a lawyer as saying: ‘Passion is very, very important.’ Can any of this be true? Certainly not if passion is meant in the pleasantly old-fashioned sense found in Alice. Tweedledum points at his broken rattle, saying: ‘Do you see THAT?’ in a voice ‘choking with passion’. Humpty Dumpty accuses Alice of listening at doors, ‘breaking into a sudden passion’. It was a nursery emotion 150 years ago, and would not help in resolving

The Spectator

Portrait of the Week – 22 November 2012

Home The General Synod of the Church of England voted against the ordination of women bishops. The measure required a two thirds majority in each house of the Synod, but the voting was 44 for and three against with two abstentions in the House of Bishops, 148 for and 45 against in the House of Clergy, and 132 for and 74 against in the House of Laity. Kweku Adoboli, a trader with UBS, was jailed for seven years for fraud that lost the bank £1.4 billion, the largest trading loss in British banking history. The G8 summit next year is to be held at Lough Erne golf resort near Enniskillen,

Janet de Botton

Bridge | 22 November 2012

Since the beginning of September I don’t think there has been a single weekend when my team was not away playing in one or another tournament, so when I received an email asking everyone from the first division of the Premier League if they would like to play the Champions Cup in Israel I decided to stay in bed. What a mistake! It was a fabulous tournament attracting all the top European teams, predictably won by the Italian National super-squad. Frances Hindon and Graham Osbourne and Nick Sandqvist and David Burn represented England and after a great start they sadly lost their first play-off match against a strong Polish team

Dumpynose

2090: Precipitate

In September sadly we lost 15 (two words) and 12/19. The former produced the 29 of the 4-winning ‘1A/18/39’ (six words in all) while the latter made a successful 33 of the same name. Ignore an apostrophe.   Across 9 Woman hates me bareheaded? (4) 11 Sow in-house pig-men finally devoured (10) 14 Love goddess lives with hot matelot (6) 16 Teddy keeps field cropped and ploughed no more (5) 17 Has a go at time off and relaxes (5) 20 Group of moles amid row of spots (7) 21 Least prim Essexite almost reformed (7) 23 Ornamental tray of silver and gold (7) 24 Sailor immerses uniform in Canadian

Dumpynose

2087: Golden I

HIEROSOLYMITAN (1D) means ‘of or relating to Jerusalem’. 15, 18, 27, 35A, 38, 5 and 12 may all be preceded by the word ‘Jerusalem’. Title: cf. ‘Jerusalem the golden’ (hymn) First prize Catherine Stekly, Fowlmere, Royston, Herts Runners-up Alexia Dobbs, London SW1; Ben Stephenson, London SW12

James Forsyth James Forsyth

Why Tory MPs are reading Le Monde this morning

I’m told that we won’t get any indication of whether there’s a new EU budget proposal that will be able to command support until later this evening. Herman Van Rompuy is holding bilateral with all 27 EU leaders today and only after that will it be clear if the contours of a deal are in place. For his part, David Cameron intends to see — among other countries — the Swedes and the Dutch, who Downing Street regard as Britain’s most reliable allies in this budget negotiation. One thing that is helping Cameron with Tory MPs is the Le Monde front-page declaring ‘Europe is Britain’s hostage’. It is reassuring them

David Blackburn

Tony Hall appointed Director General of the BBC

It seems that Lord Patten has been reading the Spectator: Lord Hall, the BBC’s former director of news and the man who revolutionised the Royal Opera House, has been appointed Director General of the BBC, an appointment recommended by Tom Bower in last week’s Spectator Diary. The BBC Trust states that Lord Hall will take over in March. Hall is a hugely respected figure. Here’s what Tom Bower wrote about him last week: ‘To avoid chaos, Patten cannot be fired without the government naming his successor. Step forward Tony Hall, the Royal Opera House’s chief executive. Hall was a respected editor of flagship broadcasting who resigned as the director of BBC News in

Douglas Murray

Israel under siege

The dictators have fallen one by one. Several more look likely to fall soon, and few will miss them. But as popular revolutions approach their demise, something else has come along. In one country after another, the Muslim Brotherhood — the fundamentalist revolutionary Islamic party founded in 1920s Egypt — and other Islamist parties have used the ballot box for their own ends. After decades of repression and opposition, they have finally come to power. The era of the Islamists has begun, and as recent events in the Middle East have demonstrated, the world they create will not only look very different but be far more dangerous for Israel and