Society

Saturday

Jeremy Clarke

Low life | 21 July 2012

I came up and out of the underground station into the busy Brixton Road. It was 9 o’clock on a humid, overcast summer evening. As well as being a bustling place of departure and arrival, the precinct in front of the station seemed also to be a preferred place for the locals to meet and sit and socialise. I was looking for an Eritrean restaurant called Adulis. Here I was to meet a woman I’d met two days ago on a dating website. This new dating website is proving amazingly fruitful, which surprises me not least because it was the first time I’ve been truthful on one. So far we’d

Toby Young Toby Young

Thousand-pound tomatoes

I always thought it was something that happened to other men as they got older, but not me. I was different. Owing to my extraordinary machismo and strength of character, I would not experience this ‘life change’ until I was at least 75 — and at that point I would just take a pill to restore my virility. But it’s no good. Turns out we all suffer from this affliction in middle age, no matter how determined we are to keep our peckers up. I have succumbed. I’ve taken up gardening. OK, ‘gardening’ is the wrong word. It conjures up images of elderly women in floppy hats, stooping over their

Taki

High life | 21 July 2012

Gstaad  Mountains in summer are of an astral beauty, the snowy, far away, shrouded in cloud peaks like old men wearing spats. Danger lurks with such men, as it does with mountains. Colin Thubron wrote about a certain peak in Tibet, and claimed that the God of Death dwelled on that particular mountain. One could say that about many places. Only last week more than 11 people lost their lives on Mont Blanc, and the numbers will reach close to 100 by the time the summer’s over. The ancient Greeks thought the heart of the world was Mount Olympus. (Hades, of course, was the you know what of the world.)

The Spectator

Competitive advantage

Scambusters is the name of a government initiative to prevent householders falling victim to rogue traders who use high-pressure sales techniques to flog lousy and vastly overpriced goods and services. It would be more convincing if the government did not so frequently allow itself to be ripped off. At his appearance before the home affairs select committee this week, G4S chief executive Nick Buckles had the air of a cowboy plumber standing amid a bathroom full of leaking pipes, and demanding, in spite of the havoc he has caused, that his bill be paid in full. To astonished MPs he agreed that the reputation of his company was in ‘tatters’,

Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 21 July 2012

Q. This autumn I will be studying in Paris. A friend from Italy will also be studying there and she wants us to share a flat. She is amazing and I worship her but, the problem is that I need to be alone first thing in the morning — and she wants to talk. The truth, ridiculous or not, is that if I can’t have my mental privacy at this time, I am much less productive. Although she knows how I feel, whenever we have stayed the night under the same roof, the moment I put a foot out of bed she somehow knows and comes into my room talking.

Virginia Ironside

Diary – 21 July 2012

A few years back, Julian Maclaren-Ross was a forgotten writer. Today his wonderful books, such as Of Love and Hunger, are back in print, and on Monday, along with his biographer Paul Willetts, I took part in a centenary celebration of his life, with film of the man himself and of many of his contemporaries, most of them now dead: Alan Ross, Joan Wyndham, John Heath-Stubbs. J.M-R., a renowned Fitzrovian bore, was, as a friend of his put it, ‘better on the page than on the pavement’. True of so many writers one knows. ••• One perk of taking my one-woman show round the country, if you can call it

Melissa Kite

Real life | 21 July 2012

Luckily, I got The Ridiculous over and done with when I discharged myself from my local hospital in south London.  Now it was time for The Sublime. ‘Good evening, madam, and welcome to the Princess Grace. If you would please take a seat for a few moments, someone will show you to your room.’ It really was a few moments, too. A cheerful porter grabbed hold of my bags and swept me into a lift taking us two floors up to a pristine room overlooking St Marylebone church. When I say pristine, I mean pristine. Never mind eating your dinner off the floor. You could have eaten your dinner out

The Spectator

Portrait of the week | 21 July 2012

Home The Armed Forces were called upon to supply 3,500 men to look after security for the Olympic Games after GS4, a security company, failed to recruit enough staff. Nick Buckles, its chief executive, agreed before a Commons committee that it had been a ‘humiliating shambles’ but said that the company would keep its £57 million management fee. The UK Border Agency had laid off 1,000 more workers than it intended, the National Audit Office found. David Cameron, the Prime Minister, appearing at a rail depot in Smethwick with Nick Clegg, the deputy prime minister, said that he was ‘even more committed’ to the coalition, and announced new rail schemes

The Spectator

Letters | 21 July 2012

Beyond a boundary Sir: This is the first time that I have been really annoyed by an article in your magazine. Your leader ‘The Tories are back’ (14 July) concludes by stating that the redrawing of constituency boundaries is a piece of blatant gerrymandering. But the present boundaries are grossly unfair to the Conservatives. When Tony Blair and Labour won the 2005 election the party gained 35.3 per cent of the vote and won 356 seats. When David Cameron and the Tories gained 36.1 per cent of the vote in 2010 they won only 307 seats — hence the coalition. The present constituencies do not provide a fair and level

Dot Wordsworth

Loud and clear

On the matter of a referendum (not, of course for British people), the Prime Minister said recently that he hoped the Falkland islanders ‘will speak loudly and clearly and that Argentina will listen’. This seems to me an example of hypercorrect speech, parallel to the tendency of people whose social insecurity overwhelms their grammar to say: ‘It was given to my husband and I’. Not all adverbs end in –ly. Loud and clear is a well known phrase, made more popular in the 20th century by the wireless response to the enquiry ‘Do you read me?’ But loud as an adverb has a history of more than 1,000 years, fortunately

Peter Jones

Ancient and modern | 21 July 2012

‘Olympism’ is, according to the 2011 Olympic charter, ‘a philosophy of life which places sport at the service of humankind… exalting and combining in a balanced whole the qualities of body, will and mind… Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example, social responsibility and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles.’ The great Greek doctor Galen, who knew a bit about athletes, took a slightly different view. He wrote: ‘All natural blessings are either mental or physical, and there is no other category of blessing. Now it is abundantly clear to everyone that athletes have never even dreamed

Raymond Keene

No. 227

Black to play. This position is a variation from Commons-Gheorghiu, Lone Pine 1975. Black is two pawns down but has the chance for a tactical coup. Can you see it?  Answers to me at The Spectator by Tuesday 24 July or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk or by fax on 020 7681 3773. The winner will be the first correct answer out of a hat, and each week I shall be offering a prize of £20. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 f6 (1 … Bxd5 2 Re8+ Bg8 3 f7) Last week’s winner Derek Shakespeare, Hants

Janet de Botton

Bridge | 21 July 2012

Some bridge tournaments take everything you’ve got and then some. The emotional output is as extreme as the most demanding, turbulent relationship and you stagger home needing urgent hospital care. Then there are some that are great bridge but not life or death. And then there is Biarritz. A cracking holiday with a bit of bridge attached. The most fun is the teams event which is split into two sections — Main and Handicap — which gives everyone a chance of success. Extra points are given to non-professional players and this year the Handicap was won by my friend Jonathan Harris’s team. Jonathan played with Steve Capal and his wife

Raymond Keene

Sceptred Isle

This week I continue with extracts of play from the new book on the English Opening by Steve Giddins. The timing is solicitous in that the British Championship commences next week in North Shields with grandmasters Gawain Jones, David Howell, Stephen Gordon, Keith Arkell and Simon Williams. Timman-Ernst: Wijk aan Zee 2012; English Opening 1 c4 c6 2 Nf3 d5 Black angles for a Slav Defence. 3 g3 The text is the main attempt to dodge regular Slav lines and preserve a recognisably ‘English’ structure. 3 … Nf6 4 Bg2 dxc4 5 0-0 Nbd7 This is probably Black’s best, and initiates a plan of defending the c4-pawn with pieces. 5

The Spectator

Barometer | 21 July 2012

Waiting games The Olympics have not even started yet, but already one world record is under threat: that for the world’s longest traffic jam. The first day of operation of an Olympic lane on the M4 led to a 32-mile tailback from the edge of London to Newbury in Berkshire. These are the records to beat: Longest jam Nothing has yet surpassed the 109-mile tailback on the A6 between Lyon and Paris on 16 February 1980, caused by Parisians returning home from their skiing holidays in poor weather Longest-lasting jam A record set, appropriately enough, in Beijing — although in 2010, two years after the last Olympics. The 60-mile jam

Dumpynose

Crossword Solution to 2069: Yes and no

The TITLE (36) gives WORDS (34) that, if combined, ANAGRAMMATISED (42) and suffixed to DUMP, defined by 7, 10, 12 and 22, produce the PSEUDONYM (8) ‘Dumpynose’. DUMP appears in the fifth row of the grid and was to be shaded. First prize Annabel Gaba, London NW6 Runners-up Charles Hastings, Upper Woolhampton;  Lucy Mo, Withington, Manchester

Dumpynose

2072: Pediculi

‘1A (four words)!’ is a quotation suggesting the link between the other seven unclued lights (all real words). The domain of the screamer is a clued light and must be shaded. Across 11 Ailing I lie abed a couple of times and weaken (10) 14 Suit Australian stored in home county (6) 17 Student wrenched baguette out of satchel (5) 18 Poetic heathen god upset me (5) 20 Boundless thespians playing at the same stage (7) 21 At which time take food in (wholemeal) (7) 23 Sweetie from Austria cut sullen American (7) 24 Oxide in Balkan state is exported (5) 25 Round fortified houses are motionless (5) 27 As

Alex Massie Alex Massie

Gone holidaying

Sorry folks, but you’ll not have me to kick around these next two weeks. I’m away to the Isle of Jura this week for Midge Fest 2012 (and the 62nd edition of the Ardlussa Sports). Thence to Ireland for a week of cricket as a member of Peter Oborne’s annual travelling circus. See you here next month.

Simon Hoggart

July Wine Club

Earlier this month we held a wine fair at The Spectator, using the tents that next day sheltered the magazine’s summer party. It was great fun, and our six principal partners sold plenty of wine. The event is free; come next year! There were some terrific bottles, many discounted, such as the gorgeous Chilean Pionero Pinot Noir sold by The Wine Company of Colchester – an incredible £6.99 — luscious Château de Sours and Nyetimber from Private Cellar, stunning Menetou-Salon and Côte Rôtie from Yapp Bros, the glorious Maiden Flight, also from Chile, one of the few Gewurtztraminers that really works outside Alsace, and a host of gluggable summer wines

Robin Oakley

The turf

Cramming too much in is always a mistake. It was just one broken jar of tahini paste, requested by Italian friends along with the pork pie, the Marmite and two bottles of Amontillado as items unobtainable in Sardinia, but boy what damage it had done after my holiday suitcase spent three hours in the care of British and Italian baggage handlers. The sherry survived but, having separated itself into separate streams of oil and orange goo, the tahini paste had oozed malevolently around, insinuating itself into every crevice and tainting almost every garment, probably wrecking for ever the rather snazzy pair of Cambridge blue trousers purchased by Mrs Oakley in