Society

Thursday

Mary Wakefield Mary Wakefield

XL Bullies deserve to be banned

Sometimes the realisation that you’ve been completely wrong for decades creeps up on you slowly, and at other times it’s a revelation, a light illuminating the entirety of your foolishness all at once. I had a revelation of this second sort on the London Overground train. I’ve been on the Bullys’ side but seeing one nose-to-nose with your child helps clarify things no end It was just days before poor 68-year-old Esther Martin was mauled to death by two XL Bully dogs in Clacton-on-Sea. Beauty and Bear, the dogs were called. The train had just pulled out of Haggerston station and my son was with me. He was hanging from

Douglas Murray

I’m embarrassed by modern Britain

I’m not sure I recognise this country any more. Characteristics that I grew up with have been eroded to the point of disappearance. What were those characteristics? I’d say they included a certain doggedness – an indefatigability, a quiet strength and resilience. Where did they go? We have decided that the men of violence are winning and we must just keep our heads down A little over two years ago, when Sir David Amess was murdered, I remarked here on the appalling ‘tribute’ that his colleagues paid in the parliamentary session given over to eulogies to their recently butchered colleague. Of course the MPs all spoke warmly of the man,

The Spectator

How many people are switching religions? 

Rough drafts Ian Lavender, who died aged 77, was best-known for playing Private Pike, an out-of-place young man in a group of elderly Home Guardsmen in the BBC sitcom Dad’s Army. Yet in reality Pike was much closer in age to the majority of those who served in the Home Guard. A sample analysed for a project at the National Archives has revealed that 50% were aged below 27 and 28% were 18 or younger. – Any male aged between 17 and 65 was eligible to join. As well as those too old for normal military service, the Home Guard included many medically unfit for regular military service (like Pike,

Hugo Vickers

The problem with a slimmed-down monarchy

When he was Prince of Wales, the King began to advocate the need for a slimmed-down monarchy. The perception was that there were too many royals, an image confirmed in the eyes of the media and the public when they all appeared together on the balcony following the Trooping the Colour. The ill-informed man in the street would go away thinking the taxpayer was supporting all these disparate family members. This was a misconception, but it lingered. At the time of the Diamond Jubilee, the Queen’s advisers were delighted when only a handful of royals appeared on the balcony after the service at St Paul’s Cathedral in 2012 – the

Toby Young Toby Young

Why have Newcastle United cancelled a fan for ‘wrongthink’?

I don’t know what I’d do if QPR banned me from Loftus Road for the next two-and-a-half years. It was bad enough not being able to go to games during lockdown, but the thought of all my mates attending while I was stuck at home would be devastating. When the Rs are playing at home I look forward to the match all week – it’s become my only social activity that isn’t related to work, a vital safety valve. It would be devastating to my mental wellbeing. Yet that’s exactly what’s happened to Linzi Smith, a 34-year-old Newcastle fan. On 31 October last year she was banned from St James’

Olivia Potts Olivia Potts

How to (correctly) make a Cornish pasty

When it comes to traditional food, there is always regional pride to contend with. Many recipes are intrinsically connected to the area from which they have sprung: Pontefract cakes, Chelsea buns, Lancashire hotpot, Welsh rarebit. They represent heritage and tradition – edible history. You must tread carefully to avoid offending regional heritage, or just making silly mistakes. I certainly feel on safer ground making pronouncements from my Salford home on Eccles cakes than I do on Ecclefechan tart. But when it comes to the Cornish pasty, the people of Cornwall have taken ownership a step further. In 2011, the Cornish pasty was granted Protected Geographical Indication by the EU, which

Roger Alton Roger Alton

Farewell to rugby’s King John

You couldn’t miss the heartbreaking irony of one of the greatest rugby players who ever pulled on his boots passing away just as the latest tournament was getting under way featuring 18-stone behemoths smashing into each other. Barry John, who retired at 27 and died last Sunday at 79, could have walked through brick walls and emerged unscathed. Was he the finest fly-half ever? He was certainly the most beautiful to watch. He played just 25 games for Wales and a handful for the British and Irish Lions, including the 1971 tour of New Zealand when he helped them to their only series victory against the All Blacks. It was

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: why don’t my guests thank my husband for hosting too? 

Q. When people come to stay for house parties, my husband – who already works a 60-hour week – does a lot of the unseen chores. He’s in charge of fires, drinks, seating plans, arranging outings, and he pays for everything. We are in our sixties and I know it is traditional etiquette to write and thank the ‘lady of the house’, but my husband really feels rather miffed that no one ever mentions him in their thank-you letters. How should I most tactfully encourage people to address their thank-you letters to both of us, rather than just to me, without seeming bossy? – G.M., West Sussex A. It may

Luke McShane

Fearless teens

A trio of teenagers dominated the Tata Steel Challengers event, which took place in Wijk aan Zee last month alongside the elite Masters event. Their fearless chess helped them get the better of many more experienced grandmasters. India’s Leon Luke Mendonca, 17, took first place with 9.5/13, and will receive an invitation to the Masters event next year. Joint second on 9/13 were the reigning World Junior Champion Marc’Andria Maurizzi from France (16) and Daniel Dardha (18) from Belgium. These games from the latter two are simply electrifying. Marc’Andria Maurizzi-Jaime Santos Latasa Tata Steel Challengers, Wijk aan Zee 2024 1 d4 Nf6 2 c4 e6 3 Nf3 d5 4 g3

Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

‘Is it France? I don’t know’: Hôtel de Crillon, Paris, reviewed

Hôtel de Crillon sits on the Place de la Concorde, a vast square renamed for bloodshed, then the lack of it – it was the Place de la Révolution, with knitting and bouncing heads. Now it is placid, and the Crillon is the most placid thing in it. No one does grand hotels like the French, except perhaps the Swiss, who have nothing better to do. Hôtel de Crillon was one of twin palaces commissioned by Louis XV before the French butchered his grandson and his wife outside them: it looks like Buckingham Palace but prettier and with possible PTSD. It has been a hotel for 115 years and next

Luke McShane

No. 787

White to play. Salem-Vrolijk, Tata Steel Challengers 2024. Black’s last move, Qf2-c2, was a fatal error in an otherwise drawn endgame. Which queen check won White the game? Email answers to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 12 February. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Rc8! Qxc8 2 Nb6+ wins, or 1…Qh7+ 2 f5 and the pawn promotes. Last week’s winner Graham Baker, Campsea Ashe, Suffolk

Dot Wordsworth

The unforeseen nature of consequences

In March 1847 the world first read of Mr Toots saying: ‘It’s of no consequence.’ He went on saying it for the next 13 months until the last number of Dickens’s Dombey and Son had been published. His embarrassed sallies into affairs of the heart had gained a catchphrase. Mr Toots’s remark meant ostensibly, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ but I was reminded of it by the warning that the United States issued after the killing of three of its service people in Jordan. It promised a ‘very consequential response’. To me consequential suggested a different knot of meanings, about causal effect. The insurance world thinks of consequential loss not as an

Lucy Vickery

Spectator competition winners: mischievous Valentine acrostics

In Competition No. 3335 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem for Valentine’s Day whose acrostic contains an unValentine-ish sentiment. The prize winners, printed below, pocket £20 apiece. Venus, darling, gorgeous snuggly-wuggly, Apple of my ever-loving eye,  Let me kiss you, squeeze you, honey-bunny,  Ever-treasured sugar, sweetie-pie, Nuzzle me, my gorgeous, hot stud muffin, Tweety bird, mon cher, my cara mia, I am your own lamby-wamby snookums, Naughty, wicked whispers in my ear, Endlessly, my ickle lovey-dovey, Shower me with cuddle-bun excesses,  Intimately cooing I’m your wuv-bug,  Stroke me with your smoochy, fond caresses, Call me your hot mama, foxy vixen, Romeo, my sun, my star, my comet, Angel,

Doc

2640: Double entry

The 12 six-letter unclued lights bear a common feature, different in each case, but ignore one hyphen.         Across    1    Put up a hammock for son with Heather (5)    4    One lies drunk after attempt to restore equilibrium (9)    9    After seven days, say, shall journalist be wimpish? (4-6) 11    Muse was, for Caesar, love (5) 12    Cunard cruise finally turned to French river (7) 14    Vocalist shortly to be a scorcher (5) 15    Just a bit of a fight! (5) 21    Such gall on day in May (3-5) 22    Mournful key member CIA outed (7) 24    Some delayed up at university (4) 25    Sandwich filling aunt

The Spectator

2637: Born to sing – solution

The unclued lights are the given names of pop stars. The pairs are 7D/20, 12/11, 25/24, 26/1D and 33/8. First prize Karen Bloom, Allington, Maidstone, Kent Runners-up Bernard Golding, Earsdon, Whitley Bay; D.P. Shenkin, London WC1

Lloyd Evans Lloyd Evans

The reality of food banks

The old man next door asked me to collect his parcel from the food bank. ‘Sure,’ I said. I joined a queue of 20 starvelings outside a chapel in the East End. Most were migrants carrying rucksacks or bags for life, and there were a few Cockney mums with fidgety nippers in tow. Everyone in the queue had a mobile phone – which is normal these days – and most were dressed for the Olympic Games in Adidas sprint shoes, Nike jogging pants and Reebok breathable weightlifting shirts. I felt distinctly under-dressed in my Oxfam castoffs. Despite their keep-fit attire, many of the applicants seemed to be on the corpulent

Melissa Kite

I’ll do anything to get a decent plumber

The plumbers come and go, but mainly go, and I am now so desperate for a bath that I will do anything for a man carrying a pipe wrench. If only I had more Botox in my face and my highlights done, I found myself thinking, as we sat at the kitchen table one night rowing about the seemingly impossible problem of trying to get tradesmen who are also farmers on EU subsidies. Most plumbers walk into our crumbling country house, look horrified and tell us we’re mad The bathrooms in this old Georgian pile are so cranky they might as well not be there. In fact, it would be

Henry Jeffreys

Women love flowers. Who knew?

It’s funny how long it can take a man to learn a simple lesson. For example, for years I had assumed that women couldn’t really love flowers, that it was all some sort of conspiracy created by Big Florist in league with Big Greetings Card that everyone, apart from me, had fallen for. On Valentine’s Day I would look pityingly at the men on the Tube clutching a dozen red roses, or the girls in the office with big bouquets pretending to like them. I knew better. ‘She’d much prefer a nice bottle of dry sherry,’ I’d think to myself – and then wonder why my girlfriend looked so cross

Aidan Hartley

Viazi the dog had a lucky escape from a baboon

Laikipia Viazi is a Samburu mongrel bitch with a curly tail. She is one of the most delightful, wonderful creatures I’ve known in my life. Her energy is boundless, she is always cheery and she’s been my great friend. When our collie Sasi had her litter of puppies in a heavy thunderstorm on the farm before the pandemic, we assumed Jock the labrador was the father. It later became evident that Sasi had been jumped by a roving Samburu cattle dog. We found homes for all of the puppies except for this little girl, who was as brown and as round as a baked potato – so we named her