Society

Monday

12 Dec 2022

Quentin Blake’s long history with The Spectator

The Christmas present that comes with this article is an original artwork by Britain’s greatest living illustrator, Quentin Blake. By happy chance, this Friday – 16 December – is also his 90th birthday. Hip hip hooray! It is not the first illustration he has drawn for this magazine, which is why it’s very apt that he depicts an old Quentin speaking to a younger version of himself. From 1959, when he created one of the first illustrated Spectator front pages, through the 1960s, and occasionally after that, he has produced enticing Spectator covers to illustrate either the content or the season, including eight Christmas issues. His first Spectator cover was

Zoe Strimpel

Why I’m finished with football

I have spent many, many years dutifully squeezing into pubs full of rapt, drinking men giving excessively loud voice to their feelings of either atavistic triumphalism or atavistic rage – all accompanied by the odd rattle of broken glass and flare-ups of intra-man hostility. But last weekend, as I dutifully prepared to leave my warm flat and make my way in the sub-zero night to the pub for the World Cup quarter-final of England versus France, I realised that I am done. Done with football – and done with England. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. The Women’s Euros final, which saw the Lionesses romp to victory – something their male

Lionel Shriver

Xi, Covid and seasonal schadenfreude

’Tis indeed the season to be jolly. Over the holidays, we can all put our feet up to view a cracking remake of David and Goliath, ‘The Microscopic Nullity vs Winnie-the-Pooh’, in which a giant bear-like bully has been pushing around 1.4 billion people but cannot prevail against an opponent too tiny to be seen by the naked eye. Inverting the customary balance of power, the narrative arc is classically satisfying: a would-be omnipotent despot is driven to crazed distraction by the sneaky afflictions of the infinitesimal. I’m reminded of a favourite newspaper clipping: ‘Drunk tries to kill spider, sets house ablaze.’ Because you cannot lock up a coronavirus. You can’t

Sarah Vine

Why an air fryer is the ideal Christmas gift

Christmas has an annoying tendency to kick off far too early these days, but I can never give into it until after my son’s birthday on 23 November. This year he turned 18, which feels like a milestone for both of us. He can now legally be served in a pub and go to prison, and I theoretically have a man about the house again. Even though, unfortunately, he seems to have taken after his father in his complete inability to perform any of the traditional male roles, such as assembling flat-packed furniture or not setting fire to the toaster. Still, I feel a sense of achievement at having managed to

Alexander Larman

Harry and Meghan have stepped up their war on the Windsors

The first part of the Harry and Meghan show on Netflix was something of a let down. Over three tedious hours, there was a lot of sentiment and half-veiled digs at the Royal Family, as well as some philosophising about racism and Brexit, but millions of viewers got to the end of the third hour and sighed as one: ‘Is that it?’ Expectations were not high that the second instalment, coming to Netflix this Thursday, was going to live up to the advance hype. But it appears a nasty surprise is in store, at least for the Royal Family. Much of the explosive material that has been teased to viewers

Peter Jones

The Romans knew the dangers of December overindulgence

Christmas is a time of feasting. So too was the Roman festival of Saturnalia, held in honour of the god Saturn, which took place between 17 and 23 December, when even a poor peasant might kill a pig fattened up for the occasion or, if not, hope to join the company of someone who had. Drinking and riot too were all part of the festivities. Such self-indulgence was fair – or fare – enough once a year, but throughout the year? That was what made Roman moralists reflect sadly on the corruption of that frugal and simple life which they judged to have been the key to Roman greatness. Romans

Mary Wakefield

The greatest threat to Holy Island since the Vikings

It’s hard to explain how sad it will be if, after Christmas, Defra officials ban fishing on Holy Island, also known as Lindisfarne, in the North Sea, where the Lindisfarne gospels were written and where men and women have fished for hundreds if not thousands of years. For some reason no one can quite work out, Holy Island has been placed on the shortlist to become a Highly Protected Marine Area – HPMA – in which no fishing of any sort is allowed. But banning all fishing will destroy the village; Lindisfarne, which has been inhabited since long before its most famous residents, St Aidan and St Cuthbert, set up

Andrey Kurkov

The puzzle of the twice-born Jesus

Lazarivka Snow has covered the fields and forests of much of Ukraine. When the sun reigns in the sky, its rays gild the scene. All my previous winters, all previous Christmas celebrations, were peaceful, and the snow, if it came, emphasised this calmness. Snow and cold preserve the life of the grass until spring, until the first warm weather. The snow seems to require everyone to rest, to avoid unnecessary movement, unnecessary noise. The acoustic properties of snow make joyful children’s voices louder – or is that just an aural illusion? No, snow definitely changes the sound of nature. It keeps the sounds above the ground as if He does

Barry Humphries

Why does no one dress for dinner at Claridge’s any more?

F. Scott Fitzgerald declared in an excellent late story that ‘the second half of life is a long process of getting rid of things’. It is certainly what I am striving to do. I have far too much stuff so I’ve decided a little culling is needed. Some weeding out imperative, deaccessions inevitable. I’ve startedwith books; I’ll end up with people and finish with me. I kneel on the floor of my book room with a large cardboard box at my side. Do I really need all those George Meredith novels? Edgar Saltus is harder, but will I miss those duplicates of Purple and Fine Women and The Pace That

Adam Frank

The James Webb Space telescope is changing our understanding of the universe

When Nasa launched the James Webb Space telescope on Christmas Day last year its goal was to shed light on the wonders of the universe. It’s delivering on that promise: since the summer we’ve had a steady stream of stunning images of dying stars, distant planets and colliding galaxies. Researchers expected the telescope’s data would support the Big Bang theory. But it has captured images so far back in time, revealing the existence of galaxies so old, that the very origins of the universe have instead been called into question. ‘I find myself lying awake at three in the morning wondering if everything I’ve ever done is wrong,’ said Allison

Luke McShane

Twelve questions for Christmas

1. Who tweeted, in answer to the question ‘Do you still play chess?’: ‘I did as a child, but found it to be too simple to be useful in real life: a mere 8 by 8 grid, no fog of war, no technology tree, no random map or spawn position, only 2 players, both sides exact same pieces, etc. Polytopia addresses these limitations.’ 2. Who was handed a six-month ban by the Fide Ethics commission for his cheerleading of the invasion of Ukraine, ruling out his participation in this year’s Candidates tournament? 3. Who came second behind Ian Nepomniachtchi, and will challenge ‘Nepo’ for the world title in 2023, in light of Magnus Carlsen’s

Lara Prendergast

In defence of hot baths

I admire stout oldies who, even in good times, refuse to put the heating on unless it’s absolutely necessary. They can’t under-stand why we younger, healthier people are fussing over our energy consumption right now. Do we not know there’s a war on? Even the boomers appear to be making a token effort: stoking their wood-burners with sustainably sourced, locally grown logs; installing plush electric blankets in the spare bedrooms; stocking up on cashmere jumpers in tasteful shades of oatmeal. Let it not be said they aren’t pulling their weight. I’m trying too, but as a pampered millennial, reared on a diet of cheap energy, frugality is hard. In particular,

The Spectator

Letters: The politics of easy-peelers

Divided we stand Sir: I was pleased to see that Jenny McCartney picked up on the recent poll from the Irish Times which took a lot of air out of the Irish Unity hot air balloon (‘A bridge too far’, 10 December). British citizens in Northern Ireland have been told for years that a united Ireland is inevitable and indeed is just around the corner. I am now 52 years old and all throughout my childhood (which coincided with the euphemistically titled ‘Troubles’) sympathetic commentators and republican politicians said we should all prepare for such a time. By 2016 we would be in an all-Ireland state to coincide with the centenary

The Spectator

What did psychics say would happen in 2022?

Bank on it One event in 2023 which the government and Bank of England will not want to draw attention to is the 100th anniversary of the peak of the Weimar inflation. – The value of the German mark had already been plummeting in the early 1920s as the German government printed money to pay reparations to the victors of the Great War. But inflation was given a further boost in early 1923 as yet more money was printed in order to pay striking workers in the occupied Ruhr region. Between the beginning of 1923 and November of that year, prices rose a billionfold. Stabilisation was only achieved after the

David Mitchell

U-turn if you want to: a short story by David Mitchell

Twiddling my thumbs at the Rotterdam depot. Waiting on 72 pallets of Chinese tumble dryer. Five games of online chess, four YouTubes of sweary parrots, three Gordon Ramsay Kitchen Nightmares, two Idiots In Cars and a partridge in a pear tree later, it’s 12 noon. Another Pot Noodle for lunch. Spicy seafood, the label alleges. Tastes like my boxers on Day 5 of my European Tour. Paris-Frankfurt-Warsaw-Gdansk-Rotterdam loop. Got some cubes of mango for dessert. Yard manager Gus blames a chronic shortage of forklift drivers. Only three out of ten showed up today. They get better offers elsewhere, Gus says, so off they bugger. Must tell Emily. ‘See, O Daughter

Ross Clark

Oxford’s highwayman campaign against motorists

Oxford councillors are feeling rattled by opposition to their proposal to divide the city into six districts and to limit the passage of road traffic between them. The city and county councils put out a press release last week accusing residents of spreading ‘misinformation’ about the scheme. It complained of abuse received from members of the public and said that its staff had been offered ‘support’ to cope with the tirade of abuse, the worst cases of which had been reported to police. If anyone working for the council has been threatened then that, of course, is deplorable and quite properly a police matter. But are residents justified in complaining about

Martin Vander Weyer

The joy of fulfilling my youthful ambition

Half a century ago this week, I left school in Scotland and travelled to Worcester College, Oxford for an interview to read politics, philosophy and economics. I can still picture the trio of scary dons who quizzed me: the grumpy political historian ‘Copper’ LeMay; the deeply obscure philosopher Michael Hinton; and Dick Smethurst, a jovial left-leaning economist, in and out of Downing Street in Harold Wilson’s years, later a popular provost of the college. It was Smethurst who kicked off with ‘What makes you mad?’, to which I gave the 1972 equivalent of a full-woke answer about human injustice – though the truth, then and now, is that I’m rarely

Christopher Howse

The Spectator’s 2022 Christmas quiz

Verbals In 2022, who said: 1. Them’s the breaks. 2. I know that we will deliver, we will deliver, we will deliver. 3. Dear, oh dear. 4. Excessive consumption of alcohol is not appropriate in a professional workplace. 5. For God’s sake, this man cannot remain in power. 6. I could be wrong, but Hitler also had Jewish blood. 7. The British people deserve to know which party is serious about stopping the invasion on our southern coast. 8. Dio, Patria e Famiglia non è uno slogan politico ma il più bel manifesto d’amore. 9. The jury’s still out. 10. Nous aussi on t’emmerde. Royal prerogatives In 2022: 1. For

Sam Leith

ChatGPT: a world-class BS machine

Two weeks ago, like most people, I hadn’t so much as heard of ChatGPT. By last week, I was hearing of practically nothing but. After OpenAI released its large-language model chatbot for the public to play with, it passed a million users in five days flat. Hype poured in. Columnists asked it to write the opening paragraphs of their columns about ChatGPT – with, of course, hilarious results. Educationalists worried that this new AI chatbot would render coursework redundant and require a return to timed exams, so swift and plausible are its responses to prompts like ‘write me an essay about the causes of the first world war’. Computer programmers reported that it was ace at writing passable but not strictly

Sunday

11 Dec 2022

Sam Ashworth-Hayes

Canada’s assisted dying catastrophe is a warning to Britain

In 1936, King George V lay on his deathbed. As his final hours drew near, the royal physician administered two injections of morphine and cocaine to hasten his passing, ensuring that his death would be announced in the morning papers, and not the ‘less appropriate evening journals’. The King’s death was quick, painless, and utterly illegal; British law continues to view assisting suicide in almost any form as a criminal act. With the news this week that the House of Commons is launching an inquiry into assisted dying, this may soon change. For now, what was fit for the King remains, in the eye of the law, unfit for the common man. And thank