Diary

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 8 September 2007

Monday V. exciting. Was in charge of note-taking and smoothies at our Emergency Treachery-Management Meeting. We couldn’t decide what to do about Mr Mercer. Jed argued for something v unpleasant-sounding, which would involve us digging for a lot of complicated information, and would take ages. Was a bit worried as have dressage trials with Sesame

Diary – 8 September 2007

A lifetime’s ambition is fulfilled as I get to hear and see Wagner in Bayreuth… Bayreuth A lifetime’s ambition is fulfilled as I get to hear and see Wagner in Bayreuth. After 1945 it was touch and go whether enough support could be found to get the Bayreuth Festspielhaus back on its feet for the

Diary – 1 September 2007

My holiday reading list this year was both accidental and catholic. Usually I plan some months in advance, but this year I managed to wolf down my summer reading list before stepping on a plane. Consequently I went to bed with Joanna Trollope, woke up with Philip Roth, had an affair with Tom Bower’s Conrad

Diary – 25 August 2007

‘I’m not Jewish, but I love Israel, and I try to holiday there every year.’ An uncontentious remark, surely, but it produces Batemanesque horror around the scrubbed-pine dining tables of London’s chattering classes. Arad, Israel ‘I’m not Jewish, but I love Israel, and I try to holiday there every year.’ An uncontentious remark, surely, but

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 25 August 2007

Great to be back from hols to find the green shoots of Compassionate Conservatism sprouting again, thanks to Mr Redwood’s brilliant report. Well, we always said tax cuts were super-popular and deserved to be top of the agenda — and it turns out we were right! Monday Great to be back from hols to find

Diary – 18 August 2007

It was the call that never came. For three hours last week, I sat with my hand hovering over the phone. I had been told that Bill Kenwright would be getting in touch between 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. Yes, the Bill Kenwright, theatreland big shot and chairman of Everton FC. This was exciting. Was

Diary – 11 August 2007

What is up with the once superb Blue Guide that it fails to so much as mention beautiful Qinghai province, up in China’s northwest? Xining, Qinghai province, China What is up with the once superb Blue Guide that it fails to so much as mention beautiful Qinghai province, up in China’s northwest? Here a lively

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 4 August 2007

Monday I can’t take much more of this. Even Daddy says I need a holiday and our family motto is ‘Don’t Make a Fuss’ (it sounds better in Latin). It’s just unbearable, non-stop horridness. Every time we think we’ve got on top of it another Dipwig (Deeply Irrelevant Person With Grudge) comes crawling out of

Diary – 4 August 2007

I’m in Canada, three hours north of Toronto, up in the great wilderness. I’m in Canada, three hours north of Toronto, up in the great wilderness. Well, wilderness with lattes if I’m being totally honest. I’m on Lake Joe, one of the three Muskoka lakes that are a little bit to Toronto as are the

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 28 July 2007

Good news at last. Dezzy and Paddy (sorry, Mr Swayne and Mr McLoughlin) have successfully identified the traitors who are calling for a vote of no confidence in Dave.When you look down the list it’s clear that we are dealing with some extremely vulnerable people. MondayGood news at last. Dezzy and Paddy (sorry, Mr Swayne

Diary – 28 July 2007

I am registered as a voter in Ealing-Southall and have a problem. Though a member of the party, I could not vote Conservative. The candidate put up by ‘David Cameron’s Conservatives’ had been a Conservative for a matter of hours and been parachuted in over any number of dedicated, and equally ethnic, party workers. I

Diary – 21 July 2007

I miss Issie. I am waiting outside in the Orangerie in the Parc de St-Cloud, in Paris, where the Chanel show is about to begin. The incessant driving rain, the clouds, thick, and black with purpose, as another deluge begins. The huge white bright spotlights shining undiminished give a silvery magnificence to the scene. The

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 21 July 2007

Monday What a day! Just back from Service of Thanksgiving in the All-Faiths-And-None Prayer Room. Jed read an excerpt from Franklin D. Roosevelt’s inaugural speech about having nothing to fear but fear itself (I thought J.F.K. said that but never mind). It was v moving. Just like the American people in 1933 the citizens of

Diary – 14 July 2007

Hong Kong It is very good to be back. So good that I can ignore the horror of the summer weather. The humidity suffocates and is only relieved by sudden and violent downpours. But these are minor irritations in a city that is back to its best. The economy booms and the shops and restaurants

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 14 July 2007

Monday Have drawn up shortlist of potential husbands. It is my Number One Priority to end my single status asap now that Being Married is official Conservative policy — not to mention a jolly good way of making a bit of extra cash from the super tax breaks! (£3,000 a year would cover my congestion

Diary – 7 July 2007

Washington High tea with George Bush in the Oval Office. Polite but tough questioning on my book. He tells me how much he’s enjoyed reading it. Next stop, the wonderfully counter-counter-cultural bowling alley with Dick Cheney, flanked by Francis Fukuyama, author of The End of History. They tell me how much they’ve enjoyed my book.

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 7 July 2007

Could do without the sort of nonsense I had to deal with this evening. Phone rang in middle of the big announcement and the operator said: ‘Call from Newcastle. Will you accept the charges?’ Monday Could do without the sort of nonsense I had to deal with this evening. Phone rang in middle of the

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 30 June 2007

Monday Horrid, horrid. It’s all election war footing and aggression and shouting round here. Jed has decided we are ‘too nice’. Says he is going to toughen us up and turn us into ‘attack dogs’. (Am prepared to do almost anything for Dave. But the concept of turning me and the girls into dogs, ‘attack’

Diary – 30 June 2007

Hong Kong They have moved the Star Ferry. How could they move the Star Ferry? The view of the harbour from my room at the Ritz-Carlton should be one of the great sights of Asia. But it is a building site of land being messily reclaimed and another corner of the ‘perfumed’ harbour getting paved

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 23 June 2007

Monday A day of high drama. Heart-stopping parliamentary meeting at which Dave put the party on stand-by for an election in October… THIS October! Ordered everyone to start digging for dirt on Gordon. This would mean certain political death for those supplying the dirt when the Great Clunking Fist found out. Nevertheless it was our