Clarke Hayes

Opportunity knocks | 12 May 2012

I should have thought about this more carefully — the timing of it, I mean. This is Crucible time, and in the normal scheme of things I would be watching almost nothing but snooker. Yes, dear readers, I am that sad and pathetic thing known as a snooker addict, and a red-button one at that.

Switching off the spotlight

Having tea with Gillian Anderson is a thoroughly pleasant business — a splash of muted glamour in a fairly drab London autumn. I thoroughly recommend it, as a more engaging companion it would be a challenge to find. We meet in the studiously bijou surroundings of the Zetter Townhouse in St John’s Square, chosen, I

Bookends: When will there be good news?

I am in love with Jackson Brodie. Does this mean that, in a literary homoerotic twist, I am actually in love with Kate Atkinson, his creator? I think it must. Sometimes I think I am Jackson Brodie. We share many traits: 50-odd, mid-life crisis, a lost (though in my case not murdered) sister. I know

Bookends: When will there be good news? | 17 June 2011

Clarke Hayes has written the Bookends column in this week’s issue of the magazine. Here it is for readers of this blog: I am in love with Jackson Brodie. Does this mean that, in a literary homoerotic twist, I am actually in love with Kate Atkinson, his creator? I think it must. Sometimes I think

Gimme Patti

‘Hi,’ said Patti Smith, giving us a slightly awkward wave. ‘You know it’s really great here, by the sea. The air is so fresh. You guys are really lucky.’ Well, we felt lucky, sitting inside the iconic De la Warr Pavilion in Bexhill of all places, within touching distance of our collective icon. ‘Hi,’ said

Waste not, want not: join the new food revolution

‘Are you saving that, Clarke?’ they ask, sniggering. ‘Are you saving that, Clarke?’ they ask, sniggering. ‘Is there enough room in the fridge, what with all the other leftovers?’ Then they giggle, and turn on EastEnders. They mock me but I am resilient, and full of resolve. I have no time for soaps and mindless

Murray mania

So there we were again – those of us with access to Sky Sports, that is – sitting on the edge of our sofas, willing the improbable to pass, and willing indeed to stay up very late to watch it happen. But it was not to be. Few on this earth – with the possible exception

Bay State Blues

I have just returned from Massachusetts, where I cast my vote in an absentee ballot for Super Tuesday. This wildly wide-open presidential race is like mainlining for political junkies, and it’s a pretty exhilarating rollercoaster ride for the ordinary voter too. But what happened last week, when the economy crashed headlong into the election bandwagon,

Fare’s fair

There’s a fair glut of food festivals going on all across the country in the coming weeks, reflecting — and rightly so — the harvest. There’s a fair glut of food festivals going on all across the country in the coming weeks, reflecting — and rightly so — the harvest. But how retro is that?

A handshake with Clinton on the golf course

It was all there at the K Club last weekend — just what it had always said on the tin It was all there at the K Club last weekend — just what it had always said on the tin. The passion, the best golf and golfers in the world, a glorious setting, rain, sweat

Sex and Society: A short visit to hell

Several years ago, in another lifetime it seems, I played a porn star. In fact I played the Pornstar, in a fairly successful little two-hand play called The Dyke and the Pornstar. The piece gained a deserved reputation for being daring, risqué, even provocative. It was described by one critic as being ‘artfully performed, and