Kipper Williams

‘She could have bought another cappuccino with that.’

‘Fail him if he eats it.’

‘You mustn’t think you’re a failure just because you got into Oxford.’

‘You’ll be so rich that Peter Mandelson’s going to be fatally attracted to you.’

‘Inside every fat cat there’s a fatter cat trying to get out.’

‘I need to build up muscle strength so I can carry my water bottle’

‘So what led to these feelings of victimisation?’

‘It’s diversity gone mad.’

‘And it’s got an 85in TV screen in case we want to watch Glastonbury.’

‘I identify as a fish’

‘How come he still speaks to you?’