Kipper Williams

‘We’ll use the money we saved taking him out of private school to pay the fines for taking him out of state school.’

‘It’s to block phone calls from Nigel Farage.’

‘They ought to axe hereditary peers to ease House of Lords overcrowding.’

‘I trust I can rely on your sympathy.’

‘All political careers end in failure, but this is getting out of hand.’

‘At last – a safe seat.’

‘If I put my mind to it, I can boycott 500 literary festivals a day.’

‘It’s €5 to get in and €50 to get out’

‘If I’d known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have bothered with the gender-reassignment surgery.’

‘I’m going to treat myself to Garrick membership’

‘What IS a woman?’