KJ Lamb

‘These feelings of elf-loathing – are they affecting your work?’

‘Message from the Hendersons – they’re sorry we didn’t quite make their Christmas card list this year, but Happy Christmas anyway.’

‘Ah! The village Green.’

‘Trigger or treat?’

‘I’ve said I don’t want Tony Blair at our Christmas drinks – but what if he turns up anyway?’

‘Would you prefer to hear your operation’s been cancelled by email, post, SMS, phone, WhatsApp, Google Chat – or all of the above?’

‘Don’t tell anyone, but it’s my emotional support parrot.’

‘I can’t sleep, I’m so excited about the prospect of a new Labour deputy leader.’

‘What does AI recommend?’

‘It’s time to consider your options.’

'The art of the kneel'

‘The government just keeps on digging.’

‘No Dylan, you can’t blame everything on climate change.’