KJ Lamb

‘Anyone legally defined as a woman and children first.’

‘Have you got anything protein-enriched?’

‘Run along and press play.’

‘Oh will you stop doomscrolling!’

‘Please mind the gap between your income and the cost of rail travel.’

‘We don’t say mad, Caspar – they’re March hares with complex mental health issues.’

‘I want something that will raise a few eyebrows.’

Hide and DeepSeek

‘I’m not sure about this rewilding initiative.’

‘Excuse me – would you mind?’

‘It’s a feedback form from the Wise Men – how would we rate the gifts?’

‘You’re required to complete forms X24C and X25(F) for every household you visit.’

‘Instead of presents, I’m giving you an experience – not having any presents.’