After an incredible 13 emails, Vodafone decided that I was who I was claiming to be, and refunded my money.
I’m still not sure where my phone disappeared to, or whether it is coming back. They did not offer any explanation for why I bought a phone in their store in Guildford, got it home, discovered it didn’t charge, and took it back to be told no, I absolutely could not have a refund, or an exchange. No, they could not possibly just nip out the back and get me another one. They had to send the faulty one away.
The guy was so rude to me it’s entirely plausible that he shoved it under the desk. But he said it was going to be packaged up and they would call me when it was fixed. I did point out that as the sim card was now in my purse, and the phone with them, how on earth were they going to call me on it? Did they want another number?
But he just waved me away and said: ‘Yes, yes, they’ll contact you,’ and showed me the door.