So exciting. Was at secret meeting with Dave last night when he told us Gordon was going to call the election on Friday, or possibly Monday. Or, possibly not for a while. But probably quite soon. Atmosphere is electric. Policy count 173 and rising. Got a bit squiffy at the north west regional development agency
Been everywhere and can’t find designer wellies. Am getting desperate. Does anyone reading this have any idea where I can get them? They don’t need to be leopard patterned. In fact would prefer a pair with ponies on, if possible. I’m going to get into terrible trouble for going shopping during Gids’s taxathon but all
Hurrah! Finally arrived in Blackpool after only seven hours on train! It was v efficient, only had to change twice, and the engineering works only stopped us for an hour or so. Don’t know what all the fuss is about public transport – seems perfectly fine. DD talked me through all the likely problems with
Sunday: All eyes on the opening ceremony for what I’m sure will be a truly memorable performance by world-renowned professional speechmaker William Hague. Owing to his impressive array of commitments on the premier after-dinner circuit, we don’t get to hear his celebrated humming routine for free too often these days, so book your seats in
Monday Hooray! Labour no longer the Party of Economic Competence!! It’s all over! Or rather, it’s all back on!! Dave looks like a weight has been lifted. Fifteen different pictures of desperate people queuing at banks spread out on the conference table. We want to frame a few of them, as commemoration of The Day
Monday Dave has moved into the building! He and his staff left the Commons office on Friday night and set up camp in The Thatcher Room! That ought to put paid to the silly people saying Dave doesn’t respect Lady T. I went for a little peep earlier and he’s got piles of clever books.
Monday V. exciting. Was in charge of note-taking and smoothies at our Emergency Treachery-Management Meeting. We couldn’t decide what to do about Mr Mercer. Jed argued for something v unpleasant-sounding, which would involve us digging for a lot of complicated information, and would take ages. Was a bit worried as have dressage trials with Sesame
Monday I can’t take much more of this. Even Daddy says I need a holiday and our family motto is ‘Don’t Make a Fuss’ (it sounds better in Latin). It’s just unbearable, non-stop horridness. Every time we think we’ve got on top of it another Dipwig (Deeply Irrelevant Person With Grudge) comes crawling out of
Good news at last. Dezzy and Paddy (sorry, Mr Swayne and Mr McLoughlin) have successfully identified the traitors who are calling for a vote of no confidence in Dave.When you look down the list it’s clear that we are dealing with some extremely vulnerable people. MondayGood news at last. Dezzy and Paddy (sorry, Mr Swayne
Monday What a day! Just back from Service of Thanksgiving in the All-Faiths-And-None Prayer Room. Jed read an excerpt from Franklin D. Roosevelt’s inaugural speech about having nothing to fear but fear itself (I thought J.F.K. said that but never mind). It was v moving. Just like the American people in 1933 the citizens of
Monday Have drawn up shortlist of potential husbands. It is my Number One Priority to end my single status asap now that Being Married is official Conservative policy — not to mention a jolly good way of making a bit of extra cash from the super tax breaks! (£3,000 a year would cover my congestion
Could do without the sort of nonsense I had to deal with this evening. Phone rang in middle of the big announcement and the operator said: ‘Call from Newcastle. Will you accept the charges?’ Monday Could do without the sort of nonsense I had to deal with this evening. Phone rang in middle of the
Monday Horrid, horrid. It’s all election war footing and aggression and shouting round here. Jed has decided we are ‘too nice’. Says he is going to toughen us up and turn us into ‘attack dogs’. (Am prepared to do almost anything for Dave. But the concept of turning me and the girls into dogs, ‘attack’
Monday A day of high drama. Heart-stopping parliamentary meeting at which Dave put the party on stand-by for an election in October… THIS October! Ordered everyone to start digging for dirt on Gordon. This would mean certain political death for those supplying the dirt when the Great Clunking Fist found out. Nevertheless it was our
Our very own Tamzin Lightwater has joined Facebook. So if you’re curious about who the mysterious Miss Lightwater is, give her a poke.
Well, they can’t say I didn’t warn them. DD has finally lost it. Why did Dave have to go and put him in charge of this stupid social mobility thingy. Now he has a mini empire and is behaving like a power crazed dictator. Today he had one of his poor girls frog marched from
Monday Disaster. Dave’s big policy announcement on illegal logging totally ruined by rogue spelling error and I’m to blame. Can’t believe I could be so stupid as to add a letter ‘b’ by mistake. Nigel says I must have done it on purpose. Jed says my ‘Inner Moderniser’ did it subliminally. Either way we now
MONDAY I wish everyone would just calm down. It’s like the inside of Mr Willetts’s smaller brain (the one he used for grammar schools) around here. Don’t see why everyone is hysterical just because we are getting a new Director of Comms. So Gary’s from Essex and used to be a tabloid newspaper editor. It
MONDAY Jed away for three weeks on horseback safari in Botswana and nobody knows who’s in charge. Nigel says it’s The Three Georges, Poppy reckons it’s Mr Maude, Wonky Tom says we ought to ring Sam — she’s bound to know what to do (‘All right, my darlin’, getcha notebook out…’). We will have to
Sunday Most exciting day ever: had to activate the Early Warning System! First time it’s been done!! I knew as soon as I saw the headlines on grammar schools that I would have to do it. I panicked at first, but remembered my training. I broke the glass on the Emergency Point and took out