Grandma
‘You broke into my grandma’s house,ate her, then stole her identity, so I suppose I am here for some answers’
The Spectator
Thursday
Brooms
‘Hopefully, you will never have cause to use it but your brooms come with a bayonet attachment’
Cricket
‘We’re naming him after the whole of the England cricket team: “Useless.” ’
Dorian
Selfie
‘Try believing in your selfie.’
Statins
Cameron
‘I’d like the usual savage Tory cut.’
Medical
‘Your condition was once treatable but medical science has moved on.’
Weather
Twerking
‘I’m twerking from home.’
Pizza
‘What’s your problem? I got you a margherita and I got myself a Hawaiian.’
Alice 4
Sebastian
‘Nice piercings.’
Vicar 6
‘More sea, vicar?’
Christmas 3
Clubs
Welfare wars
George Osborne is refreshingly uninterested in his public image, believing that he will be judged by the success (or otherwise) of his economic policies. So when the Chancellor pops up to give a speech, he spends little time trying to mask his underlying aim — which is usually to sock it to Ed Balls, his
Spectator letters: Kensington answers back to Sebastian Faulks
Pirates and Tories Sir: Daniel Hannan is himself a pirate, masquerading as a Conservative MEP (‘Here come the pirates!’, 4 January). Oddly, since he’s fighting an election against it in May, he found nothing to criticise in Ukip, while attacking the European People’s Party, who are not standing in the south-east of England. He’s certainly
Barometer: Storm waves? It could be three times worse
The test of a wave Waves measuring 27ft from peak to trough were seen off Land’s End as the stormy weather continued. How do these compare with the highest waves ever measured? — Waves of 67ft were measured by a buoy off the coast of Donegal in December 2011, the highest found around the British