Pestcontrol
‘Well, I’ve assessed the property and it’s not going to be cheap’
The Spectator
Thursday
Cats
‘They’re much funnier on the internet’
Drama
Teeth
‘I’m coming out — I want the world to know...’
Panda
‘My wife and I are having trouble conceiving.’
Lions 2
‘I thought you said lions didn’t climb trees.’
Death 3
‘Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture.’
Oliver
‘Quick, turn it over. I only have to look at Jamie Oliver and I pile on the pounds.’
Fawkes
Staring
‘I wasn’t staring at you — I was staring through you!’
Guru
‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still end up on Twitter?’
Listening
Morrissey
‘I’m all for HS2 if it gets Morrissey sent back to Manchester quicker.’
Lobbyists
‘How did your meeting with the lobbyists go?’
Snoopy
Sacrifices
‘What’s the problem? We told you when you started that you’d have to make some sacrifices.’
Fireworks
‘Could you turn the fireworks up? We can still hear The X Factor.’
Letters | 31 October 2013
Not fair on cops Sir: Nick Cohen (‘PCs gone mad’, 26 October) claims that the police are deliberately attacking the press and fundamental liberties because, in light of the overall reduction in crime, they are now underemployed and ‘many are surplus to requirements’. This is an inventive conspiracy theory by any standards, but lacking any link
Which NHS staff have enjoyed the biggest salary increases?
What can they do? Saudi women took to the wheel in defiance of laws preventing them from driving. Some recent freedoms Saudi women have gained: — From this year they have been allowed to ride bicycles, although only around parks and recreation facilities and when accompanied by their official male guardian. — From this year
High-speed fail
A year ago the electoral strategies of the two main parties seemed set. The Conservatives would stand as the party of prudence, claiming to have saved Britain from a Greek-style meltdown through austerity measures which, though painful at the time, had eventually borne fruit in the shape of a private sector-led recovery. Labour, meanwhile, would stand
