One of my favourite restaurants of all time serves mediocre food, has a limited menu, and occasionally brings a dish containing none of the advertised ingredients. Why do I love it so? Because the service and the ambience are both a delight. The warm greeting from the proprietor who always remembers his customers’ names; the attentive (but not fawning) waiter who immediately produces menus and water without being asked; and the sommelier who recommends a perfect aperitif before talking us through the wines in a matter-of-fact way that belies the usual ‘You can really taste the terroir,’ and ‘This one is like a summer’s day in Provence.’
The drinks arrived 20 minutes later, and by this point, I was raging
The drinks and appetisers all arrive in exactly the correct order, and with the requisite 20-minute gap between courses. The cheese and dessert are properly paced, and if they have run out of sweet wine or port, someone will pop to the local store to pick one up without making a fuss. Water is topped up discreetly, but the wine bottle is left for the diners to help themselves, in a nice deep ice bucket within easy reach of the table.
The music is unobtrusive but adds to the calm but fun atmosphere, and the dining room is always at the perfect temperature. The linen is crisp and white, the tables big enough to hold the food (a rarity these days) and dinner is not served on square plates, shovels or flat caps.
When the bill is requested, it comes within a short space of time. There has been no ‘how is your food/are you enjoying your meal?’ interruptions. They trust that you will send it back if you are not, and as I say, the food is mediocre, but it’s consistent and hasn’t yet poisoned me. When leaving the restaurant, there is always someone to open the door and bid you good night. That is why it is always packed with contented customers. Give me excellent service and a good atmosphere where you can sit back comfortably and know you will be properly looked after and want for nothing (except slightly better food, but you take the rough with the smooth).
Compare this to a very a la mode place I ate at recently and to which I will never return. The food was excellent. Sublime chicken liver pâté on the lightest fried polenta; garlicky croutons piled with silky, buttery field mushrooms; trout with smoked cod roe; slices of tender ribeye spiked with salsa verde, and a tiramisu that almost floated off the plate. But it was all soured by the poor service, bad attitude of the staff, and truly dire atmosphere.
On arrival, the maître d’ was nowhere to be seen and the front desk was empty. I was made to feel like we should get on our knees and kiss the floor of this sacred space. When we were eventually seated there was no sign of a menu so after 15 minutes I decided to go and look for them myself. ‘Sorry, madam, we are very busy,’ I was coldly informed when finally, somebody came to take our drinks order. Enough time had passed for us all to have made and changed our minds several times and so also began to order food. ‘My colleague will be coming to take your food order, madam,’ I was told, condescendingly.
The drinks arrived 20 minutes later, and by this point, I was raging. When permission was granted for us to order our dinner, he uttered the dreaded words, ‘There are no appetisers and main courses as such. The kitchen sends out the dishes as they are ready.’
I asked why. I wanted to know whether this was because they wanted to surprise the diners with the chef’s own experience of which dishes should follow the next. I wanted them to reassure me that this was in the plan and had something to do with customer satisfaction as opposed to merely convenience for the kitchen. I didn’t get an answer.
The music was too loud, the toilets were so far away that they had a separate postcode, and the waiters walked around with their noses so far in the air that I imagine they were all be wearing neck braces by the end of the night. During the meal, we were repeatedly asked if we were enjoying our food. It would have been a better use of the waiters’ time to ensure we were enjoying our evening. But where were they when you needed a top up of wine? Our bottle was left in a cooler a bus ride away from our table.
I would never go back to that restaurant again, even if they comped the entire meal. I felt patronised, dismissed, and unwelcome. The restaurant was run for the convenience of the management and no attempt was made to hide that fact. But the restaurant with the happy, smiling staff, brisk service, and mediocre/occasionally pretty bad food? I’m heading there this evening and can’t wait. It is true that they don’t have a great chef, but perfection is all in the mind.
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