Q. We are going to stay with some old friends who we haven’t seen for a couple of years as they have been working in the US. I happen to know that they now have widely different political views to my husband’s ‘far-right’ opinions. How I can stop any potential conversations getting out of hand, as my husband tends to dig his heels in?
– B.D.V., Northants
A. Collude with your husband to pre-empt possible catastrophes. Tell the couple that he has agreed to imminently take part in a village debate to raise funds for charity. Unfortunately he has been assigned the argument ‘President Trump is a good man’. He doesn’t want to let the charity down but cannot think of anything to say in Trump’s favour. Would they mind if he played devil’s advocate with them as he rehearses his arguments? And in their turn might the couple kindly suggest the responses his opponent might make so he can plan how to counter them? In this way your husband will be able to get his views off his chest without his hosts taking offence.
Q. Some of my dearest friends, colleagues I admire greatly, have been sacked in a savage cull at my office. My problem is that they seem to have run away with the idea that I have been sacked too, whereas in fact I have chosen to retire entirely of my own volition. How can I tell them their commiserations are misplaced, without sounding poisonous? Or should I just swallow my pride and accept their sympathy?
– Name and address supplied
A. You could retain your pride but balance out grievances by saying: ‘Well, at least you are getting a better pay-off than I am because I retired.’ When they ask how much you got, say: ‘I’m afraid I’ve signed an NDA.’
Q. While on a family holiday we met a couple staying in the same hotel with whom we have colleagues in common. The woman was a psychotherapist and our teenage daughter, with no malice intended, volunteered some explicit details about her parents’ sex life. They would have been inappropriate to share, if true, outside of a therapy session, but the fact was that she had muddled us with another couple – my husband’s parents. The whole table turned to stare at us for confirmation and I was forced to blurt out really intrusive personal details to correct her story. What on earth else could I have done?
– F.B., Wantage
A. When being provoked into responding to embarrassing allegations, it’s always good to take a tip from our late Queen. Just smile seraphically and say: ‘Recollections may vary.’
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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