Q. A very likeable woman has joined the company I work for and also just moved to my village. I said I would give a drinks party for her so she could meet a few people. My husband told me we should have a cap of 20. Now my colleague has asked if she can bring her two twentysomething children and their partners. This skews the numbers slightly, but the bigger problem is that she has also asked three neighbours of mine who have never been in the house before. She said she ‘assumed they would be welcome’. Well, there is a reason these three have never been in my house, and without wanting to sound pompous, their being entertained by me will disrupt the social ecology of the village. They will start asking me back and I will have to spend years saying no. I can’t be cross with her as she is such a nice person, but Mary, how can I get these neighbours disinvited without causing offence?
– Name and address withheld
A. Don’t do that. Instead invite – or encourage her to invite – even more people and then relocate the party to your village hall on grounds of numbers. This will make the event much less to do with you, so that the nuisance neighbours will not suddenly feel they can ask you back.
Q. In the past we have had terrible moth damage in our house – carpets, cashmere etc – but we are completely free of them after a campaign of sprays and traps. Our problem is linked to some much older friends who occasionally stay who we now realise live in a moth-infested house and probably brought them to us in the first instance. They are coming to see us again shortly. Can you think of anything clever to solve this?
– H.S., Bourton-on-the-Water
A. Warn them that one of you has developed an allergy to lanolin, the greasy substance in sheep’s wool, and so you now only wear synthetic fibres or cotton. Could they kindly do the same when they visit? As long as you make them feel ultra welcome they will not take offence if they notice you still have wool carpets and are wearing wool yourselves. If they mention it, pass it off as neurosis and laugh merrily as you change the subject.
Q. An elderly aunt is still interested in male company, to which end she has highlights in a London salon. Unfortunately white roots can be seen between appointments. She is anxious and vain. How do I tactfully say something?
– S.S., Aberystwyth
A. Turn up brandishing a instant root concealer spray (e.g. L’Oreal Magic Retouch) in the correct shade. Pretend that you use it yourself but she is welcome to it as you have two.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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