In Competition No. 2915 you were invited to submit limericks featuring a well-known artist and a destination of your choice. This challenge was spawned by a limerick Robert Conquest wrote about Paul Gauguin:
When Gauguin was visiting Fiji
He said things are different here, e.g.
While Tahitian skin
Calls for tan spread on thin
You must slosh it on here with a squeegee.
Brian Allgar penned this response:
Mr Conquest, your limerick’s cheaty —
Stop writing mendacious graffiti!
In Fiji? What rot,
For the tropical spot
Where Paul Gauguin arrived was Tahiti.
It was a record-breaking entry size-wise and there was oodles of wit, skill and originality on display (though I lost count of the number of times ‘Giotto’ was rhymed with ‘blotto’). The entries below earn their authors £10 each.
In New Mexico, Georgia O’Keefe
Found dry bones, stark sun, and relief
From the Freudian gang
With their thing for her thang
And their eyes on her floral motif.
On a tour of St Peter’s in Rome,
Van Gogh told the guide in the Dome:
‘Roman friend, I can’t hear;
Could you lend me your ear?
I seem to have left mine at home.’
While staying in Venice, El Greco
Got thoroughly pissed on prosecco.
He told several gents,
‘My talent’s immense!
Look — I’ll undo my pants — take a decko!’
When Hieronymus Bosch was eleven
He boarded a barque bound for Devon.
Said the people of Bude
As he swam in the nude,
‘He’ll end up in hell, not in heaven!’
In New York there’s a modernist faction
Thinks painting should always be action.
Round here Jackson Pollock’s
A load of old bollocks,
But England’s the home of reaction.
Had Gauguin sailed north to Hawaii,
He’d have met with a local quirk, i.e.
To comer and goer
The same word ‘Aloha’
Sounds hello-y but can sound goodbye-y.