Coming soon: Matt Hancock’s best-seller

Coming soon: Matt Hancock's best-seller
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Parliament is in the mire with sleaze aplenty. Whether it's double jobs for six figures or foreign jaunts sparking domestics: MPs have been hitting the headlines this week for their various indiscretions, undeclared or otherwise. With politics in peril and cynicism all around, which champion of integrity can step forth to remind us of politicians at their best, of a better time, when statesmen governed with integrity?

Cometh the hour, cometh the Hancock. Undaunted by past indiscretions, the womanizer of West Suffolk has returned to the fray today to nobly remind us all of his many virtues. The libidinous legislator is reported to be writing a comeback account of 'How I Won The Covid War' on his 'heroic' role in the UK vaccine campaign. The book, which could earn him an advance of £100,000 will allow him to dispute claims he was to blame for key blunders in the pandemic as well as push his case for a Cabinet return. 

Hancock, reports the Daily Mail, is in talks to produce a 'blow-by-blow account of "heated" lockdown rows' with ministers, aides, scientists and medics. It's expected to take aim at the ex Health Secretary's many, many critics including the ever-online Dominic Cummings, with Hancock arguing that the latter's 'destructive antics' delayed the vaccine breakthrough. Sadly though, the fornicator extraordinaire is apparently 'keen to resist pressure' to use such a work to explain his not-so-social distancing with aide Gina Coladangelo – a great loss to lovers of Mills Boon

The book is actually Hancock's second attempt at a comeback, having had his post as a UN special representative withdrawn last month after just, er, four days in the role. Managing to secure, and then lose, an unpaid posting on African economic policy in a party where others get tens of thousands to represent the British Virgin Islands takes some doing, but our 'heroic' former health minister managed it. 

Not for nothing has Hancock today sought to hire a new communications officer. Applications are only open for 24 hours on the work4MP website, with the new recruit 'ideally' beginning in just 11 days time. The successful candidate gets to 'design and create content for social media' – hopefully better than his previous cringeworthy efforts. Qualities expected include 'sound judgement' 'self-motivation' and 'a high attention to detail'. Presumably this includes being able to spot any cameras hidden in his office...

Let's hope this comeback has more success than his last, eh?

    Written bySteerpike

    Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to or message @MrSteerpike

    Topics in this articlePoliticsmatt hancock