Q. I am a man of modest means but every year my cousin allows me to use his country house to host a cricket match against the village close to the family seat in the West Country. I invite members of the itinerant London-based team for which I play, and their families, to stay for the weekend, and provide food and drink at my own expense. The point of difficulty is that my cousin’s staff expect to be tipped and my guests, unfamiliar with conventions of country houses, do not, in the main, oblige. As a consequence I have to make up the difference. I have thought of approaching our captain and asking him to brief the team, but although a splendid fellow he cannot be relied on in this regard. Mary, how best can I communicate my wish that my guests should tip the staff without giving the impression that I am asking, rather meanly, for a contribution to my own expenses?
— W.S., London
A. How kind you are. Simply ask the captain to stand up in front of the team at some point before the weekend and say ‘One or two of you have asked me for advice on how much the staff at “Brideshead” expect to be left as a tip. May I take this opportunity to put the question directly to W.S.?’ You can then proffer the objective advice that £10 per person per night would be what the staff would be used to receiving from your cousin’s other guests. Stress that cheques will be fine and you will be leaving a reminder of the names of recipients in an envelope on their dressing tables…
Q. I have spent four weeks’ pocket money on a bottle of perfume but none of my friends at my boarding school has said anything, even though I have worn it a few times. I don’t want to ask them directly what they think because it will be really cringe if they don’t like it, so I have hidden the bottle.
—Name withheld, Blandford, Dorset
A. Put an end to the mystery by spraying yourself each time you have been to the town and might have visited a chemist. Say ‘I’ve just tried this perfume sample. Do you think it suits me? Should I buy some?’ until you have established the truth.
Q. What is the etiquette for handling incoming calls on one’s mobile when occupying a cubicle in a public loo?
—C.P., Finchley, London
A. It is incorrect to ever take or make a call within a lavatory cubicle. One instinctively knows it is wrong, not least for germ transference reasons. It also forces occupants of rival booths into focusing on the disembodied voice, and trying to picture its owner. This can only conjure up an undignified image of someone midway through a natural but nevertheless faintly humiliating act. No one should invade their own privacy in this way.
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