Q. Next month my husband and I are taking guests for a week on a boat in Turkey. They are people we do not know very well. Since a lot of our guests are Americans they will not be drinking very much and I wonder if you can suggest any ways in which we might break the ice in these slightly claustrophobic conditions?
A.A., London NW1
A. Try an after-dinner game, The Ark, which has been a great hit this summer at house parties. Everyone takes an animal’s name out of a hat. The room is plunged into darkness and you must find your ‘partner’ animal by barking, baa-ing or roaring. The next step is to strip off all clothes down to underwear and swap clothing with your partner. The first couple fully to exchange clothes (no need to go as far as underwear) will be the winners. As soon as they shout ‘Ready!’ the lights will come on to reveal an irresistibly amusing scene showing other guests in various stages of transvestic undress.
Q. How can I stop my friends from posting unflattering pictures of me on Facebook? I have deleted my own account so I cannot even look at other people’s pages any more and/or retaliate to rude comments made about the photos. How can I dissuade people from photographing me in the first place? Another reason it is not good is that one of my best friends gets upset when she sees me at parties she has not been asked to.
C.B., Pencaitland, Edinburgh
A. The posting of photographs on Facebook, or any other online community, without the specific permission of everyone involved, is the most crass breach of etiquette. The intrusion has reached epidemic proportions. Never have the lives of others been so serially scrutinised, often by complete strangers. Why not express your disapproval by investing in a pair of giant reflective sunglasses to wear to parties? This will screen off at least half of your face, but of course they are a bore to wear at night so in extreme circumstances, why not attend parties in a burka?
Q. My mother is presently succumbing to old age and an attendant cancer. She is fortified by serene courage and cheered by the arrangements she is making for the party after her funeral; every day brings fresh finishing touches but, what to call it? We observed that you recently acceded without demur to the term ‘wake’. Inasmuch as this applies to a vigil held over a body before a funeral, we have rejected it, along with everything else we can think of, including, of course, the intolerable ‘reception’ and the unbearable ‘refreshments’, leaving us with only the unobjectionable, if inadequate, ‘do’. With time fast running out, can you gallop to our rescue?
C.C., Redditch, Worcestershire
A. Why not refer to the event as a ‘remembrance party’? This has a bittersweet poignancy and is perfectly dignified. Readers are welcome to submit any rival suggestions.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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