Q. A friend rings every day to talk for hours about her life. While I do not mind acting as a sounding board or counsellor, I feel the whole thing is a bit one-sided, since she almost never asks how my life is going or only in the most perfunctory way. I feel it would be better for both of us if I were able to have some equity in this relationship. How should I gently point out that it would be only polite, to say nothing of humane, for her to show some reciprocal interest in my life?
Name and address withheld
A. Withhold from her all dramatic developments in your own life for a full month. There are bound to be some. Then have a mutual friend approach her to ask for the latest news on one of these dramas. When she has to admit she knew nothing whatsoever about them, Friend Two can accuse, ‘But you talk to her for about an hour every day. How come you didn’t know?’ This should give her food for thought and deliver the desired result.
Q. I admit to being slightly hard of hearing and somehow an invitation to spend two weeks in Mecca with the promise of lots of sun and sand left me visibly underwhelmed. Not surprisingly, the invitation faded and died but now I discover that the intended destination is West not East. Necker, not Mecca. A grovelling apology might get me back on track but my finances are stretched at the moment. What should I do?
A.J.H., Gibraltar
A. Never complain, never explain. Ring up to enquire which airline you should travel out on and behave as though you had accepted all along. Counter any queeniness from your hosts with belly-laughter — this will remind them of what fun you are — and show amazement that they could have misread your response. Explain that you were simply struck dumb with excitement. Bon voyage.
Q. I am already bored with the coming election beyond my ability to describe. When the day comes I shall vote, out of respect for the people who achieved universal suffrage for us. But how am I to get through the awful, awful tedium between now and then? I can’t afford to go away for months. Can you help?
L.K., London W2
A. Why not make a game of it? Round up a group of friends and let each person choose what they think will be the outcome — total rout and humiliation, hung, landslide, etcetera. Make bets on the different predictions. In this way you and your friends can follow the election with hysterical delight.
Q. Like your correspondent of 25 February, I too have a neighbour who suddenly knocks on our front door without ringing first. Don’t get me wrong, I like this man, but I also like to decide when I am going to have a social life. I have noisy children at home during the day so I can’t pretend to be meditating. Any other ideas?
Name and address withheld
A. Keep a bath hat at the ready and always pop it on your head before looking out of a first floor window in response to a door knock. If it is he, cry ‘Oh, you’ve caught me having a daytime bath! Shall I ring you later?’
Comments