Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 8 November 2018

Q. At every drinks party one will be in mid-conversation with another guest and someone will walk over and loiter briefly. If I know the new arrival I will introduce them, and if not I will introduce both of us, and describe what we are discussing so the new person can join in. But I am bored by people who arrive and merely say to me or the other guest something like, ‘Oh I saw Milo in Scotland last week’, ending the original discussion and cutting out one of the original guests.
— G.F., Gasper, Wiltshire

A. Most people make this mistake out of nerves and are perfectly happy with a gentle prod to mind their manners so the conversation can continue to flow. There is no need for anyone to take offence. If it is you who has been excluded, put them on the spot by saying, ‘Oh. May I eavesdrop on this even though I don’t know who Milo is?’ If the new person has excluded your original interlocutor, let’s call him ‘John’, respond ‘I’m longing to hear about Milo. Don’t forget to tell me later.’ When he retorts ‘I’ll tell you now’, reply: ‘Well I’d love that but sadly I don’t think John knows who Milo is. Shall we put him in the picture?’

Q. We are assembling an eight for bridge. We have the seven but the eighth is only 75 per cent sure he can come. I can’t get a definitive yes or not out of him, but without him our bridge afternoon will collapse. What to do?
— C.M., London SW12

A.

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