Q. Often at parties strangers bear down on me looking excited and are then offended when I don’t recognise them. This is because I have never actually met them – they have just seen me on television and made the mistake of thinking we know each other. To say ‘I think you’re confused because you’ve seen me on television’ sounds patronising so I don’t. I then see their faces fall as I don’t ask the right questions and we go up conversational cul de sacs. Advice?
– Name and address withheld
A. Put them right gently by looking excited yourself and saying: ‘We’ve seen each other on television haven’t we?’ As they reply, ‘Well I’m not on television but you are…’, their mistake will dawn on them.
Q. Is it rude to leave a small (60 people) drinks party without saying goodbye to the host? The other night I had to leave one after only an hour to catch a non-negotiable train. I thought it would be the wrong vibe to be saying goodbye when others were still arriving, so I quietly headed for the front door. Unfortunately there was a group on the doorstep waiting to come in. They all began screaming: ‘You can’t leave! We’re just arriving. Why are you leaving?’ Then our host appeared and joined in with the rebukes. None of them seemed able to accept the concept that I just needed to catch that train.
– H.R., London SW7
A. It is always best not to say goodbye to anyone, let alone the host, when leaving a drinks party. It breaks momentum and gives other guests the idea of leaving themselves. Indeed it’s almost passive-aggressive to signal that you’re leaving. If caught, never try to explain. Just look bland and say you are going out to make a call. By the time anyone realises you have left they will be in the swim of the party and won’t really mind.
Q. Something slightly awkward… a friend, who was coming to our neck of the woods for business reasons, asked if he could stay with us for two nights as he couldn’t find a hotel. We weren’t going to be there so we asked a neighbour who does holiday lets to have him. It was agreed he would pay her £200. He came and was no trouble – in fact she found him charming. But there may have been a misunderstanding because he did not pay. How should we take this forward? He is not a cheat – just absentminded.
– J.R., Kendal
A. Next time you see the charming man, say: ‘Do you mind me being nosy and asking what X charged you for your two nights with her? Did she ask for cash up-front? I’d worry about strangers doing a runner.’ This should trigger some response.
Comments