Q. My printer is broken, so I asked my neighbour to print off a letter for me. It was from my doctor. I wanted to show it to my husband, who hates reading things on a computer. I hadn’t realised it had two attachments on the bottom with information of a very personal matter. Our neighbour kindly came round with the print-offs, including the attachments. We used to walk our dogs together but now I am so embarrassed I can’t look him in the face. What can I do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Contact the neighbour to arrange a dog walk as per normal. When you meet up, burst into gales of laughter and claim that you cannot believe that he fell for your practical joke: ‘We went to so much trouble to fake that letter and attachments. I suppose it was a bit childish but we couldn’t resist it. Ha ha ha!’
Q. I have trouble hearing at parties with all the background noise. I’ve recently bought some Apple AirPods that reduce background noise and increase the sound of voices near me – it means that in restaurants, dinners etc, I can hear much more clearly. The problem is that the white AirPods are very distinctive and many people assume I’m listening to music or have forgotten to remove them. They solve my hearing problem, but I perhaps look like an imbecile… Help!
– D.J., Whydown, East Sussex
A. Another partygoer with a similar preference has made the mistake of cloaking his AirPods with strips of Elastoplast in a bid to ‘make them look more like conventional hearing aids’. This is a wrong move for both aesthetic and technical reasons. Instead source a ‘fun-sized’ (i.e. large) ‘Hearing Impaired’ lapel badge (widely available online) and wear this to parties along with the AirPods. The badge will be the most immediate thing people notice about you and, since you are signalling, it will embolden them to comment on your AirPods. You can nod in an encouraging manner and suggest that they try using AirPods themselves for noise control and see what a difference they make. Then swiftly change the subject.
Q. I have been going to a lot of weddings and for some reason, maybe because I am very tall, strangers – usually family of the bride and groom – gravitate towards me. I don’t know how to get away from these perfectly nice people without being rude, but I also want to talk to my own friends, some of whom I may not have the opportunity to see again for a while. What should I do?
– C.L., London W11
A. Carry a disposable camera in your pocket and say: ‘Oh, it’s been lovely talking to you, but I have to move on because I’m in charge of taking funny pictures.’
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