Dear Mary: Do we turn up at a party even though no written invitation arrived? 

Q. An extremely old friend is a successful purveyor of high-end goods. Last time we saw him he invited us to a forthcoming Christmas party in Mayfair for his clients and people who have helped him get clients. We never got the email invitation, so I texted him and he said: ‘Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t send it. I’ll do it today.’ But two weeks later, still no sign of it. Do we just go to the party or not? If we don’t go we fear he might be cross that we had ‘taken offence’ when no written invitation arrived. Yet we also fear that he may have decided he doesn’t want us because he now has too many Big Spenders coming and doesn’t have room for us.

– M.F., London SW3

A. Conspire with a country-based friend who is likely to have been invited to ring the purveyor to ask him whether you are invited or not as, if the answer is yes, he might ask to stay the night with you in London. The party-giver can then say either ‘Thanks for reminding me. I must send the invitation’ or ‘Actually I decided not to ask them as I’ve got too many Big Spenders coming’.

Q. My son will be going on a gap year in January. He will use any excuse not to keep in touch and refuses to let us use a location finder on his mobile on the grounds that he is now an adult (at 18). I am worried sick that he will regret this and, worse, find himself in the middle of nowhere without battery. What should we do?

– A.G., London SW10

A. The disaster-relief charity ShelterBox specialises in providing shelter to those caught up in conflict or climate emergencies – from tents to mudbrick homes. It also provides pop-up solar-chargeable lanterns which collapse into 1.5in in height, weigh only 6oz, but can give up to 50 hours of light after a day of charging in the sun. More relevantly, the waterproof device has a built-in phone charger. Inveigle one of his godparents into buying him something similar on Amazon, such as the Luci pro inflatable solar rechargeable lantern. And while you’re about it, why not donate to ShelterBox at shelterbox.org/donate?

Q. We take a cottage in Scotland for fishing. I like to leave the men talking and play cards after dinner, but one of the other wives becomes quite over-competitive and almost aggressive when she’s had too much wine. How can I tactfully say something next year so it doesn’t happen again?

– Name and address withheld

A. Do this by suggesting brightly: ‘Shall we have a dry game of cards before dinner? Would that be more sensible?’ This should give her a wake-up call.