Q. I have been working in London as a receptionist in a private members’ club and consequently have had the opportunity to meet and chat to a number of single men – always while sitting safely behind my desk. Now I have left the job, one of these members has started direct messaging me and asking for a date, saying that he would like to get to know me better. I would like to know him better too. I sense there is more to him than the braggart he presents as – but the other girls who worked with me say he always lunges and only wants one thing. How can I see him, but without him pre-empting a proper relationship by lunging at me on the first date? He works during the day so dinner is the only option.
– W.F., London W11
A. You have missed the obvious solution. Forestall premature lunging by inviting your admirer to dinner at your own premises. You can get to know him amid the safety of a handful of other guests. To sidestep a kangaroo court scenario, do not brief the guests before the dinner but after it you can glean some feedback.
Q. A friend of a friend works for me in a secretarial capacity. I do like her and she is reasonably efficient. The deal is I pay her well and she works four hours a day. She used to come between 8 a.m. to 12 p.m., but now says it would suit her much better to come between 11 and three. I know this sounds ungracious, but she is only there for four hours and I want her to work during them, not eat lunch. What should I do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Why not say: ‘Actually, can you come at 12 and then we will have had lunch before we start.’
Q. Although I too have retired (from valuing important furniture), unlike the art expert who now just wants to put her feet up and stop helping friends with valuations (16 November) I am only too keen to be asked for advice. In my case, however, I want to be paid for it, but every time I go out to dinner I am pulled aside with the words: ‘While you’re here…’ How can I insinuate – without causing offence – that I will give advice but I will quite reasonably expect to be paid for it? – Name withheld, Hampshire
A. In order to convey how often your expertise is being called on, you might pleasantly quip: ‘While you’re here – that should be the title of my autobiography!’ If, for example, it’s a vase and you just have to look at the base of it, be generous-minded and don’t think of charging. If it’s something important, why not say: ‘Would you like me to handle this for you? I’m still operating but my rates are now much reduced.’
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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