Q. I have accepted an invitation to a five-day house party in Scotland. I know it is a breach of etiquette to ask, and I wouldn’t dream of pulling out, having committed, but how can I find out who else will be there? I am very easygoing, but there will be roughly 18 other guests and I would just like to know what I am letting myself in for.
– B.F., Lymington, Hants
A. Contact your host to suggest a house present you would love to bring. Explain that the jobless graduate daughter of a friend is trying to set up as a bespoke calligrapher, allegedly producing beautiful handmade ‘place à table’ cards. She may not be any good but you would like to support her by giving her a commission. Could she give you the names of everyone in the house party? You will thereby receive the data you require. Knock the cards up yourself – perhaps on the train going up. Pull a face as you hand them to your host: ‘I’m afraid these are a bit disappointing. As I feared. Do feel free to bin them.’
Q. How can you stop flatmates from asking to borrow your car? I am about to move into a London flat with two friends from university and I am the only one with a car. My problem is that I am a bit of a people-pleaser and this pair have no qualms in asking for favours. At uni they kept asking me to drive them or their equipment places, and thought it reasonable to ask if they could borrow my car at weekends. They know I already have residents’ parking linked to my parents’ house in the same borough, and they are bound to start asking favours again. How, without spoiling our relationship, can I say no to these close friends?
– Name and address withheld
A. Act daft and pretend you’ve decided it was too much hassle to bring the car to London. It might be a bit of a nuisance to have to park a couple of streets away so they don’t notice you coming and going, but it will be worth it to be able to sidestep the nuisance requests.
Q. A senior colleague insists on holding walking meetings in Hyde Park. While I admire his fitness, I find it hard to discuss budgets while being marched at military pace past the Serpentine. By the end I am breathless, red in the face, and have forgotten everything I meant to say. How can I return our meetings to a chair and table without sounding feeble?
– P.T., London W8
A. Buy yourself an adult scooter-suitcase and place laptop and other office equipment inside. Claim, with reason, that this will allow you to you write up minutes and action orders asap. Then you can scoot effortlessly alongside your superior.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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