Q. I’m the author of 14 books, mostly historical fiction but a few children’s books, all published by a major firm. I find that I sometimes get invited to grand dinners in Notting Hill where I am often put next to a middle-aged banker’s wife. When I tell them about what I do and how hard it is to sell books, they start giving me their advice. It’s always the same: ‘You should really go on Instagram’ and ‘Have you tried TikTok?’. I feel my blood boiling because these are people who have never earned a penny or done anything, and I have no desire to submit myself to a Silicon Valley platform. What should I do?
– S.P., London W12
A. The trouble with being too grand for TikTok/BookTok etc is that you may be missing a big trick. Sales of White Nights by Fyodor Dostoyevsky and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen are surging as a direct result of having gone viral on these platforms. You should thank the women pleasantly for their tips. Chippiness is not an ideal mindset to bring to a dinner.
Q. A dear and popular friend, who regularly hosts us at house parties, does not currently have a girlfriend and has developed an unsightly growth of nasal hair. How, without appearing to be revolted by it myself, can I draw this to his attention?
– Name and address withheld
A. Silhouette portraitists, often seen in marquees during wedding celebrations, snip out likenesses in no time. They are surprisingly affordable. Next time you attend one of your friend’s house parties, why not commission one to turn up to add to the jollity?
Q.
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