Q. My husband and I will shortly be having some South American friends to stay. They come most years and it’s always enjoyable to see them. Our problem is that they never divulge when they will be leaving – possibly because back home it doesn’t matter to them what time guests come and go; they lead a very different life to us, with maids and kitchen staff. For me, if they are here for an extra day it means a dash to Waitrose etc. My husband is always keen I don’t ask them outright in case it looks unwelcoming. How should I handle this? – C.N., Uppingham, Rutland
A. Subcontract this awkward question. Arrange for a compliant neighbour to drop in on the pretext of returning a borrowed book. Let her meet your guests before she dashes off. It would be only natural for her to gush how lovely it must be for them to be visiting England and enquire how long they are staying with you.
Q. A rather famous friend of mine is giving a drinks party in his London garden. Unfortunately another friend, who lives in the same street and who would love to come, hasn’t been invited. The host has met her, through me, and could easily have asked her if he’d wanted to. I can only assume he hasn’t taken to her. How should I handle this? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but since I talk to her every day I’ll have to admit I was there.
– Name and address withheld
A. Confide in her in advance that a member of the famous man’s family – for example his son – is giving a surprise party for him. When she retorts that she has not been invited, just be matter-of-fact as you reply: ‘Yes, that’s annoying. But the son has never met you, has he? He’s not going to ask his father for a guest list for a surprise party.’
Q. A friend has married somebody very grand and has bought into the upper-class-twit lifestyle. Her husband (aged 30) expects the women to leave the table after dinner. She has invited me to stay for a weekend but others in our friendship group say it would be a betrayal of all our feminist principles if I allow myself to be ushered into a sort of Barbie zone to talk about handbags while the men talk about politics, and that I should take a stand. What should I do?
– M.M., London SW18
A. Withdrawing is ultra-retro and certainly not the norm in ‘upper-class-twit’ circles. Since the feminism battle was won so many decades ago, it would be equally retro for you to rise to this bait. You should have the confidence to enjoy the living-history aspect of the quaint custom, as you may never get another chance.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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