Q. I meet a very old and dear friend for lunch on a regular basis. We meet at a lovely family-run Italian restaurant in Charlotte Place in Fitzrovia because it is exactly halfway between where we both live. Over the years it has become rather beyond our means but we don’t like to break with tradition. We have always taken it in turns to pay the bill, but my friend has become somewhat forgetful, and for the last three lunches has said: ‘How lovely that it’s your turn to pay.’ I realise she isn’t purposely making me pay each time, but I can ill afford the extra expense. How can I solve this without giving offence?
– R.H., London W11
A. Next time you plan to meet, say gaily that since you are currently ‘all square’, would she mind a new system – that you pay for each other? This would suit you better for boring accountancy reasons but, best of all, in this way you each retain the sense of being given a treat!
Q. We live in the Channel Islands and friends frequently come to stay. We don’t socialise much outside of their visits and I have come to regard the first hour of the day as sacrosanct. My husband sleeps much later than I do and I like to get up early and enjoy my quiet morning routine of newspaper and coffee. I prefer this to be undisturbed. I’m happy to ask guests whether they want cereal or toast etc and then to be chatty for the rest of the day, but only after I have had time to myself. Can you suggest a way I can ask guests not to come downstairs before 8.30 a.m. without casting myself as unfriendly? Last weekend I was forced to breakfast at 6.45 a.m. in order
to be on my own.
– Name and address withheld
A. Why not tamper with your alarm system so that once you arrive in the kitchen, you can flick a switch and set sirens screaming if there is any movement on the staircase before 8.30 a.m. Ask guests as they go to bed whether they would mind staying upstairs until 8.30 a.m., as otherwise it will be more trouble than it is worth to try to reset the complicated system.
Q. I have always had difficulty waking up in the morning and sleep through alarms unless someone shouts at me and strips the bed around me. Now I’ve started at university there is no one in my block who is prepared to do this and so I am missing lectures. What should I do?
– F.W., Edinburgh
A. No one wants to shout aggressively in the morning. It would be more enjoyable to wield a water pistol. Buy one and ask your fellow students to spray you in the face with a harmless jet until you have been roused.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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